A year ago if you would have asked me if I was going to homeschool my oldest son Asher, the answer would have been yes. That’s what crunchy , Christian Moms do right? Ain’t no government school gonna teach my child evolution . He won’t eat school food loaded with GMO’s.
Insert food in big mouth….
During my PPD after Adahs birth The Lord wrecked me with the idea of NOT homeschooling Asher. Uh, excuse me. My pride welled up inside and I refused the idea. But He was persistent with me.
Asher’s needs to go to school Rachel. Asher needs to go to school Rachel.
Hush it Lord. I’m perfect . I can do it all. I can make my own mayonnaise and offer coconut oil to a kid screaming about chapped lips. I can sneak kale into very recipe that my children will devour and I can run a perfect household.
I quickly realized I was overwhelmed. I mean really overwhelmed. With two littles I tow I knew my brain couldn’t handle a strong willed 5 year old, extremely active boy at home with me , trying to teach him his basic skills .
Disclaimer: homeschooling is so wonderful. I may try it later in life. But not now, and I’m ok with it.
There needs to be a support group for Mothers that decided not to homeschool. We all need to bring a box of tissues and a bottle of wine and dish it out.
” Hello , my name is Rachel and I’m a recovering homeschooler. It’s been 43 days since I last homeschooled. ”
So like I said. My pride melted away. Nope, it took an axe . I mean it was stuck on there something awful. It took months for me to even LOOK at schools. We decided on a very small , Private , Christian school. To this day I know that I know it’s the right decision. It doesn’t make it easy. On anyone.
Asher loves school. He loves his Godly teacher. I love her. She is his perfect match . He only has a few classmates, and loves all of them.
The first few days , waking him up in the morning was like waking a hibernating bear. He was grumpy. I was tired from being up all night with my 10 month old on a feeding frenzy. He would ask me what I was doing that day after I dropped him off.
Nothing exciting hunny. Just going to be at home with your sisters. I’ll do your laundry and wash the dishes.
Sike. I had so much freedom . I met friends for lunch . I went shopping. I went to the grocery store. For a few weeks it was the honeymoon stage. I could get so much done with just two children. It was quiet around the house, since my girls are pretty much laid back.
He began coming home from school so grumpy. Panties all in a wod. Bad.
This went on for few weeks as soon as he saw me after school his whole countenance changed. He was punishing me.
Today after school I decided to take him on a grocery store “date” as he likes to call it to have some alone time. He of course refused to even give me a hug after school , as he has been doing the past few weeks. I calmly told him he was going with me, whether he wanted to or not because I missed him.
We pulled up to a grocery store literally within walking distance of our house. My kids always love to use the ” race car” carts. It’s always a serious meltdown if we can’t find one. When we choose a boring, regular cart there are many tears. My favorite is when they are in the horrid cart and they spot a happy kid in the race car cart. His hands on the steering wheel , plastic grin of his face. It eats Asher alive with jealously. The stare down is real y’all. The struggle is real.
To Asher’s surprise it was easy to find the rare , party cart today. Let me take you back to a convo I had with an hilarious friend a couple months back.
Me : ” I’ve never had whiskey. I’ve always wanted to try it . People look so classy drinking it on the rocks. ”
Her : ” oh. It’s delicious. ”
First of all who has time to go to the ABC store. Also, I would have to get a babysitter right? I can’t just throw my baby in my Ergo and go in.
” Excuse me, I need a babysitter for 30 minutes. I need to go to the local ABC store. I swear I’m not an alcoholic.”
Not happening. So I counted on probably never trying it. I’m cool with that. I have wine.
So Asher finds the beloved cart and I notice something in the seat. ” Hang on buddy , someone left their trash in this one.”
For some reason I picked up the trash. Really Rachel? That’s nasty.
It was a brown paper bag . My first though. Oh! Someone forgot their wine they just bought. Nope. I opened it. What?! Why!? I kept going . It was a bottle of 14 year aged whiskey. Interesting. Still in the box. For a moment I wondered if someone was filming me. Waiting for me to be honest and look around to see who’s it was.
I looked around. I didn’t see anyone. Then I got all spiritual.
Oh my goodness. Jesus put this here for me. He has been showing me lately how personal and funny he is. He did this. He’s awesome.
The bottle was empty. Don’t ask me why I took it out of the box. I’m still laughing.
I looked further and noticed several empty bottles of wine in the cart. I mean, I don’t blame them. Food lion is a wonderful place to throw a few back. Smh .
I couldn’t stop laughing at myself. Y’all. I couldn’t.
We chose another magical cart, and did our shopping. We left and on the way home Asher started literally screaming at me , asking for a box of crackers I picked up. His screaming was so loud in fact that I had to pull over. My first instinct was to loose my cool. I prayed under my breath ….
Lord please show me how to love him.
I cut off the car and went around to his side. Tears streaming down his face. His sweet, still chubby face. I held his hands and got down to his level.
The words just flowed out of my mouth.
” Do you miss me hunny?”
I embraced him and we both cried for a solid minute before speaking. He didn’t need to be punished in that moment. He needed me to be loving.
I prayed with him and loved on him before we headed home. What am I learning? That indeed , I need to make special time with him. My sweet boy who thrives when he has a task. Lights up a room with his hilarious dance moves … But he is still only 5. He still needs his Momma. Discipline is not always the answer to your child’s bad behavior.
Sometimes they need to be purposely loved , even when you feel like loosing it. Even when hugging them and loving on them is the last thing on your mind because you so boiling angry. Take the time to ask The Lord how to deal with the issue.
Sometimes I get caught up in the moment, and don’t even think to ask what the most effective thing would be to do. How would I get inside their head and really resolve this?
You see, if I would have pulled the car over in a mad rage and spanked him right then and there without even finding out what the real problem was , it would have still been an issue when we got home. He would have cried more and felt even more unloved.
Listen. I’m not perfect by any means, I mean I DID pick up a liquor bottle in a grocery store parking lot. I promise I’m not an alcoholic. Lol
But I pray that if you are struggling with a child that you just can’t seem to reach, that Jesus would show you exactly how to reach them. How to get to their heart, and the heart of what is making them act out. We are all in this together.