I will never

I will never

The Lord has been working on my ” I will never list”

I don’t think of him as a punisher in the least bit, but when we make personal arrogant declarations , it’s not healthy for us.

He’s knocked three big ones off my list so far.

1. I will never send my children to school
2. I will never have a C section
3. I will never own a Mini van
4. I will never get a bowl cut


Singing the papers this week for the new van the woman noticed my license was expired.

Trying to look shocked : ” Oh interesting .”

” Uh yeah, it’s been expired almost a year.”

Y’all. I’m such a rebel at heart. I noticed a couple months back it was expired and the thought of the DMV made me nauseous. I’ve put it off for a long while. There I said it. I couldn’t ever work in a government facility. Too many rules . Ok, moving on.

We knew the mini van was the best choice for our family. I wish I could say I was ecstatic to drive off the lot with it, but alas I was kicking rocks and trying not to pout. I felt old. I guess I am. Rachel. You have three kids. Grow up.

So today , my rule following friend offered to keep my kids so I could renew my license. Jk. She is a rebel too and I love her so.

I took my smallest Adah with me. Threw her in the Ergo and proceeded to walk in . And listen. I don’t blame this man, today I showered . I wore deodorant. Flossed my teeth.

I noticed him eyeing my new mini van as I was walking to the door. Ah, nope he was checking me out. See I don’t get out much enough for other men to notice me. I’m not even sure how to respond to being checked out. Should I wave?

“Hey yo! You know where I need to go to get new tags?”

What a gentleman.

” Yeah, I’m not sure …. Sorry!”

” Aight. You lookin’ fly girl.”

” Thank you ,my husband thinks so too.”

I walked as fast as I could into my favorite place. The DMV.
I sat down beside an elderly man. It gets better.

The wife of the man I was sitting beside gets up because her number was called.
I feel him shift towards me…

” Can you tell both her legs are fake?”

No Hi , how are you. Or . Oh your babies cute. But that.

“Oh really. Wow no I can’t ”

How does one appropriately respond to that? Yeah. I don’t know either. He goes on to tell me how much his wife made in a year. About his eye surgery and current infected food. What he has for lunch everyday and how many marriages his son has ruined. I was feeling uplifted . Shaking my head yes and every chance I got. Then just like that , after our deep conversation about life and it’s colorful surprises that he told me all about ….. He got up without a word and left.


In comes a woman almost immediately after my friend left me . She sits down in the same seat. She was wearing a black leather jacket.

Adah reaches over to touch her coat.

“Ah! She likes the texture of my leather!”

” yes, looks like it!”

She keeps talking and cooing at Adah . Adah loves people , so she was cooing right back. Caressing her coat. About five minutes into the friendship with the leather she says…

“You won’t believe the deal I got on this beauty. I got it at a garage sale for $3. There was mold all over it , but I got it washed up good.”


My number was called. It was almost over.

“Ma’am , just put your face in here for your test.”

Can I get an STD from this thing?

I passed . Surprisingly.

So I’m legal again. I’m working on number five for my I will never list.

5. I will never get a Nanny

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