My two oldest have reached the age where I’m having to teach them what is not appropriate to say in public. There’s no hand book for this sort of thing. You’re kind of just thrown into a grocery store, and handed a rock to hide under. A hollow rock. So you can still drink wine.
Maybe I should have said a bomb shelter. That sounds better.
Moving on. I’m at the grocery store for the 272872 time this week. I had three items on my list, which really means ill end up with 27 items in my cart. Depending on if my favorite wine, which is any wine is on sale make it 28.
I have Adah strapped in the Ergo, and Asher and Rhema in their favorite “race car” buggy. I pushed the cart onto the soup aisle. I noticed the sweetest older couple shopping together. They of course noticed my three kids and waved. They smiled. Aw how sweet, look at those beautiful blonde children she said. Thank you thank you. They’re a blessing Ma’am. You have a good day. I’m smiling. Feeling proud of my littles.
Asher. Oh Asher. He’s five . He’s wonderful.
Asher : ” oh my gah mom! Can we PLEASE get off this aisle it smells like OLD PEOPLE!”
We were five feet from the complimenting couple.
I turn around. They’re still shopping. Smiling at each other . We lock eyes. Don’t ask me why I waved, but I did. She waved back. She didn’t hear him. Oh thank God.
Onto the next aisle. All the while explaining to Asher that what he said was rude, and that one day I would be old. Everyone gets old.
” that’s why they were buying soup because they don’t have any teeth.”
I decided to stop talking about it in a public place. There was no telling what he would say next and no wine was on sale.
We pass the Barbie fruit snacks. My arch enemy. Heck no I am not paying $5 for a 6 pack box of fruit snacks that my daughter will eat in 7 minutes flat .
She starts crying for the said fruit snacks and I do what I do best in these situations. I distract her. “Rhema, when you’re older you can buy them if you want.”
I get all these …. Oh bless her heart looks. That poor woman. Where is her Nanny?
The tears stopped flowing and Rhema proclaims right in front of a man standing beside my cart , innocently looking at a cereal box.
“When I’m older I’ll have big boobies like you and Barbie. I will feed my babies and I will not have a weenie because I’m a girl, like YOU mom! But Daddy and Asher have weenies. Daddy has a……
I covered her mouth. Sped off the aisle.
I wish I could find the spiritual parallel in this , but I mostly just think it’s hilarious.