Loving me

If you are in a plane that comes crashing down, they tell you to first put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. What good are you to others surrounding you if you don’t take a second to help yourself first?

I’m so so guilty of this. For years I’ve tried to overwork myself into the perfect wife and mother. I’ve forced myself into a mind set of performance and duration. Duration even when my mind and body is exhausted. Because that’s what good mothers do right? We work and clean and cook until we fall out.

No.

He is tilling up my soil. Making me realize I need people. I need help. Especially my husbands help. I’ve tricked myself into thinking Matt needs to think I am perfect. Spiritually perfect. Physically perfect. A good mother. A good cook. None of this has to do with him. It’s my mind set I’ve set up for myself.

What other mind sets am I believing? What else am I letting creep into my soul. What else is poisoning me?

I’ve had several physical issues for a year now that I’ve ignored because I’m a mom. I don’t have time to fix this. I don’t have time to see my Chiropractor. I don’t matter. Think about the kids Rachel. They are more important. You will be fine. Just ignore it.

You’re strong. You’re strong.

Without him I am not. You see. I’m human too.

I’ve tried to go and go until my body can’t take it in the name of love.

That’s not love. That’s abuse. Do I love myself? Do I love my body ?

When we mask problems and push forward it only makes the problem come up bigger than it was before.

I am forever telling everyone else, you’re such a good mom. You’re doing a great job. Keep up the good work.

But how do I treat myself? With that same respect?

No.

I’ve always put my needs on the back burner and went ahead and prepared everyone else’s meal. I’ve been cruel to my mind and my body.

To keep on I need me time. I need time with my Father. I need to be fed. I need to be healthy. I need to….

Receive love.

So I think I’ll start today. I’ll receive love and help from my husband. I’ll receive love and help from my family. From my sisters.

From my Father.

What does he wish to tell me today. How many times has he told someone to give me a prophetic word: you’re a good mother. You’re a good wife. You will do great things. But did i ever believe it? Or did I just TRY to live up to that word.

I tried harder. Stayed up later. And got up earlier. I was a slave driver to my self.

No more.

I’m tired. But he will give me rest.