I’ll probably never be that Mom that is ubber organized. That has their kids clothes laid out for the next day. That sets their alarm with enough time to shower and look human before school. That willingly volunteers for the PTA and makes homemade party favors for their child’s $500 birthday party.
What I can do is hit the snooze button 5 times, literally drag my 5 year old out of bed, and carry him down the stairs. Get him dressed while he is still surely asleep and brush his teeth all the while he is laying on the sofa protesting against school .
“School is stupid . I don’t need to go. I’m sleepy”
We get in the car and he is a different child. Who gave him coffee and can I have some? He starts talking about what he will do that day and I ask him who his best friend at school is.
” my best friend is Jacob . And rose. And Evan and Isaac and lily.”
Good. You have friends at school. People like you. You get that from your Dad.
I may not have mad crafty skills but I sure can squeal like a 2 year old at the sight of a raccoon hiding in the cat food container. That was fun. He tried to bite me. Rabies shots are against my rules about shots. It goes against the rule that I made. Don’t get rabies. Or shots. You understand.
I got real moody today. I started cleaning everything in sight. I mopped the kitchen floor with vinegar and thyme. My husband loves that. Jk. No, he hates it.
“Please use regular stuff to mop. That smells like death.”
He’ll love it in heaven. When Jesus reveals to him all the toxins I’ve saved him from. Then I will be rewarded with endless amounts of wine. Then I will worship and sing and dance all day.
Ok.
After my cleaning spree Asher came home from school. Being the observant child he is he proclaims after walking in the door:
” oh my gah! It smells like pickles in here! MOM! Have you been eating pickles?”
You know what . I love pickles . Next time I need to mop I’m just eating a whole jar of pickles then rubbing the pickle juice all over the floor. I’ll use thyme later . Don’t judge me.
I made pasta fazool for dinner. Say that ten times fast. It’s a great meal if you’re hungry. Or just human. But it’s delicious. And why would you want to say it ten times fast. Why?
I’ll post the recipe. So I’m eating a lovely dinner when Asher comes up to me and asks me to smell his finger. This always ends badly.
” I accidentally got poop on my finger.”
Oh good.
Now I’m hungry.
Can I get this to go? Yes. A box would be great. Thanks.
Can I just say that I love this time change. Go ahead and throw tomatoes at my stage. My kids are tired at 7 pm and are getting up easier than usual . By easier I mean they aren’t screaming as much or crying when I ask them ” eggs or oatmeal?”
But seriously. You have to admit that getting up earlier isn’t as bad because it’s brighter outside. I almost don’t need coffee. If I wasn’t me.
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The Witty Uterus 