Today and everyday I’m grateful for true friends who are obedient to our Father. During a play date luncheon with some real ladies I began to experience a severe stomach ache. I’m not talking nausea . I’m talking labor pain kinda ache. Relentless and exhausting.
The wonderful thing about this group of women is that I can get up and go in a different room knowing my children are cared for. We look out for each other .
I went to the bathroom to collect myself. I was miserable and exhausted.
Literally sitting on the floor I began to pray aloud. Do you ever pray in the bathroom? I do. It’s rare I am in there by myself and so when I am, it’s on.
” Jesus where are you? ”
Silent sobs rocked my body and I began to give into defeat. It wasn’t just my stomach but several other physical and spiritual elements making me so very tired.
I sat in there for a solid ten minutes, wiped my tears and went to check on the girls. As I walked out into the hallway I was met by a sweet friend. She is real and she is loving. She doesn’t just show love, but she is an example of Christ love for us.
I hadn’t told anyone at the group I was in pain. In fact I tried to act like nothing was wrong at all. Laughing, carrying on.
She met me in that hallway with open arms.
” He is with you Rachel. Whatever you are going through he is right there .”
As she hugged me I felt the Fathers love. I felt his embrace. Wasn’t it his embrace? Isn’t he in her? Yes.
It was then I learned how to lean on someone else. How to let them share in my burdens because they loved me. It’s not irresponsible or over emotional for me to cry on a friends shoulder. It’s healthy. It’s what he wanted.
Just when I asked aloud where he was, he showed me. He was right there in the hallway waiting to hug me. Waiting to show me he is listening.
Throughout the day my symptoms grew worse, and eventually I ended up in bed. It takes a whole lot for me to give in and lay down. It takes a lot for me to except help, even from Matt. I want him to view me as strong.
He took the kids out to dinner so I could rest. But I could not fall asleep. It was almost as if he kept me awake to show me that I am not super woman. I cannot do everything alone. I need him every second of every day.
Laying there I developed a righteous anger for how anxious I feel in my home. For my physical state and confusion I feel. He began to show me that in him I have choices. One of those choices is to choose peace. Perfect peace.
Laying on the sofa after I tucked the kids in bed I felt angry. I was angry at my body. Angry at how I view my home all the sudden.
It was as if someone insulted my best friend and I had had enough. I had had enough of physically feeling this way. I had had enough of giving into fear .
He reminded me that I never went out onto the porch to be with my first love of this home.
I grabbed my glass of wine and put on a jacket and off I went into the cold. Matt always knows when I’m going to pray and never asks me why. He just nods his head as I storm by him in a rage to be with my Father. I was sick and tired of being lied to all day. It was time for some truth.
It was time to settle up. This was our home. A place we had chosen to live in.
I sat in the rocking chair for a few minutes. I didn’t speak a word. I just rocked.
I saw myself participating in a sit in. Sitting there staring at the face of my enemy. Unscathed. Not moving. Arms crossed.
I will sit here and choose to not be fearful.
I said aloud with vengeance in my voice . :
I will be joyful in my home. I will enjoy my family here. Regardless of what Jesus has shown me about this property, this is where he has placed me. This is where I will be. And dwell. So I’m going to sit here and be peaceful. I’m going to sit here be in his presence just like I was when we first moved here.
So that I did. I sat and rocked and sipped and loved. I smiled but it was an angry smile. I was angry that I felt turmoil in my home. But I also smiled because I know that he who lives in me carries the victory. He has already won.
If tonight you are righteously angry about a situation in your life , do a sit in.
Sit there and stare at your enemy. Show him you are un afraid. Cross you arms and speak the truth into that situation.
What’s the truth?
He has already won. Satan has been defeated. He has to bow. He has to obey. He doesn’t have the authority over we that walk with our Father.
He is a liar and a thief. And we have the power in Jesus to know this, and to take a stand.