Sitting in church yesterday listening to the sermon The Lord asked me a question. A question that made me wrinkle my forehead and laugh a little.
” Rach, why don’t you wear rings anymore?”
Uh. I don’t know?
I sat through most of the service trying to listen, but my mind was stuck there.
Rings … Rings. I used to wear them all the time. But let’s be honest I used to do a lot of things. Like sleep in on Saturdays, just wipe my own butt and use my time in a silent car ride to think. Now I wipe several butts and have excessively loud car rides where hearing his voice is more of a challenge over the goldfish war in the back with the Natives.
But that’s a blessing. I’ve learned to worship him vacuuming the floors and cooking dinner for my family. Our job as Mothers is so important. But that’s a blog for another day.
Throughout the day I kept asking and asking. Nothing. Nada.
I knew he would show me in time. And I’ve learned to chill on my time. Because his time is always more effective. It always pierces my soul correctly.
He is showing himself personally faithful to me. He is showing himself redemptive. The entire time I was in California several people told me :
Let it go.
I began searching my heart and rearranging things to hear him on this. Lord what am I harboring that’s not of you? What am I holding on to that is literally poisoning my mind?
Last night he showed me. I am the oldest of six children. I had to grow up fast. Help out. Think of people other than myself at a young age. It’s my second nature to take on my siblings burdens and others that I love. I used to do this in the name of love and everything good, but it wasn’t healthy. It was a false mindset that …
If I loved someone I would not only intercede for them , but I would invite into my mind their issues and carry them around all day. Like packing them into a book bag and hiking a mountain where I planned to leave them at the top. Only to get distracted when I got to the top and completely forget what I went up there for. So I go back down, crap still in my bag. My shoulders still sore . It’s heavy.
It’s heavy because we aren’t supposed to carry it. We are supposed to lay it down.
With my younger brothers permission, I feel like I need to share how Jesus has redeemed his life. And how he healed our family. Post traumatic event.
A couple of months ago my brother attempted suicide. He was rock bottom in his walk with The Lord, though he knows Jesus never left his side. As a family we were broke and angry. Angry that he didn’t feel loved enough to reach out to us in his pain.
It was early in the morning. He posted a goodbye note on Facebook while living several hours away from us. That morning I wept and prayed like I never have before. We had no idea his location. We had no idea the events that brought him to this point. But God did. And he intervened.
He radically saved my brothers life. The details are many, and we as a family struggled to gain normalcy again. We struggled with how to effectively show him love. Because he was always so loved. But he needed it now more than ever. He spent several days in a mental institution. He grew and lead men staying there against their will to Jesus. He taught men who had no self confidence to play the drums. To worship. He brought the glory. , because it never left his heart. It was ingrained there.
There is something so sweet about all six siblings staying together under our parents roof again. My parents trusted The Lord for ten years while living in a single wide trailer with all six of us before Dad built their beautiful, huge , longed for home. Being here is relaxing to my spirit. I’ve been undone many times here with the gratuity of my Godly parents. Last night the Holy Spirit had his way with us.
You see. If I didn’t have a home. A car. I wouldn’t have been staying at my parents. We wouldn’t have had that special night as siblings we needed to heal. I knew in my heart a talk needed to take place, but I knew it needed to be the Holy Spirits doing. When he sets parties up there is always ample amount of food and wine. He is abundant and fun. He is precise and so personal . He can prepare anyone’s heart that is willing for his doing. For his pouring out. And that he did.
Sitting in my parents living room we began to pray in the spirit as siblings. We began to aloud call out lies of the enemy. And replace them with joy. We called out for a sister that has been having terrible medical issues. We were relentless. We felt the power together as a team to go before the father for her. We were strong when she was asleep, and weak. We began to call our destinies in each other and speak about our brothers attempted suicide. Weeping , our youngest brother proclaimed his thoughts on the traumatic event. It changed the atmosphere into an honest fest. We all became completely honest with one another. We began to apologize for wrong doings and join together as a team.
The team our parents prayed into this world.
I’m learning , to be honest with you … That he can redeem everything. And he will if we let him.
So this morning , after a restful sleep he asked me again.
I love how he affectionately calls me Rach…
” Rach, why don’t you wear rings anymore?”
It came to me . Because they are out of my sight.
When we moved into the farm house for some odd reason I put my Jewelry box on a bookshelf . Looking back I feel like this was symbolic.
I don’t need these here. I have no use for what I cannot see.
The entire few months I lived there, I never put on any rings other than my wedding band.
I also feel like this is symbolic for spiritual gifts that I put away while living there. Strength while living there. I was in a haze. I couldn’t see my rings . How pretty they would be with my outfit.
We have no idea what we can be adorned with if it’s hidden purposely by our own doing. Bring your stuff out to the light.
You have so much inside you that needs to come out. It needs to come our for the good of others. It needs to come out so you will surely feel alive.
Don’t hide your jewelry box.