Whether we are overweight or underweight Satan’s favorite attack on women is our hatred of our bodies. Jesus has been ever so gently revealing that to me.
All throughout my childhood people made fun of my weight. I remember the first day dressing out in gym class, I went and hid in the bathroom stall.
” oh, I just have to use the bathroom before we start.”
Everyone developed faster than me. I was a gymnast for years and really enjoyed it. What I didn’t enjoy was the lack of boobs my chest bore and being the last one of my friends to hit puberty. I’m actually still waiting on that. I could easily at age 26 shop at Gymboree . But I don’t because they’re so Ungodly expensive and flashy.
My hatred for my body continued until about age 19 when I was actually happy with my weight. I made a habit of eating Crisco before bed. No I didn’t.
Matt used to hold my face and tell me I was the perfect size. He still does this often and I’m always amazed by his love for my tiny frame.
I finally accepted the fact that I would never be curvy and never be asked to be on the cover of Lane Bryant. Then I got pregnant with Asher and things started looking up. Sizes that is. I had a butt. I wasn’t sure what to do with it. If I sit on it will it deflate?
He has been wrecking me with how much I’ve hated my body for failing me. For holding me back. It didn’t birth Adah the way I wanted. It’s been giving me nerve trouble. I’ve been dealing with anxiety. I can’t wear gym pants because I look like I’m 7. I don’t own gym pants. I made a joke.
Last night praying about some stress issues The Lord told me to take a baking soda bath. Oh ok. I stink anyway. So I got in the hot bath and poured some baking soda in there. How much is too much? I don’t know. I just kept pouring.
:: wash your face with it::
No lord. Joy Collins will make fun of me. I’ll be the talk of table 7 at lunch time . I just got in with that crowd because I told them that I would go to their party on Saturday, but really I’ll be at home watching TGIF with my Mom.
So I washed my face with baking soda. It actually felt nice. Then I spilled it all over the side of the bathtub. It looked like I had done a few lines of cocaine to relax. I’m all for natural stuff, but that is pushing it. Plus I don’t have the funds to keep up that habit. Buying wine is expensive enough.
Whether he had a purpose in me washing my face with baking soda or not, it was the willing act of faith that drew me closer to his heart. When we obey without questions there is a release of his presence in our lives. Don’t whine and ask why, just do it. Even if you feel dumb.
I got out of the bath and Rhema started crying , wanting me kinda like last Tuesday , Wednesday and Thursday through Sunday. I went in her room and laid on her bed. Stroking her face and kissing her forehead I saw something I had never seen before. I mean , I knew it but it hadn’t permeated my soul like never before.
:: Your body made her::
Amazing. My body that I’ve hated for years made this perfect being. She loves me regardless of my views on my self. But in the end she has shown me to love myself . Because even though my body isn’t perfect it can produce something that is so precious. My children.
His body that died on the cross for us was broken too. But in him we have life and life eternally. We just have to embrace that his body , his perfectly flawless body can consume our imperfections if we let him.
He wants to make you new.