What is a healthy friendship?

My spirit has been stirring the past week about what it means to be friends. I mean really friends. Not acquaintances, but true friendships.

I woke up knowing I would write about this today and The Lord brought up the phrase I always hated growing up:

” Secrets don’t make friends.”

I want to look at that from a different angle today.

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If today you were sitting in your living room with your family, enjoying each other’s company , and there was a knock at the door…. It was a stranger .

He had in his hand a bottle of poison. You let him in your house willingly and let him begin to poison you first, then your family. This was all voluntary and you knew what he was doing was harmful. Potentially fatal to all that you love.

You’re thinking , this chick is crazy. Why would I ever want to imagine that ? It would never happen anyway. Why would I willingly let someone dangerous into my household?

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This year the Lord has raised up women in my life to hold me up when I couldn’t walk or speak. He has lifted my head towards his , not by my own means but through friendships. He has spoken promises over me through women I love, and who love me. I’ve never in my life been so blessed and surrounded by Godly women who are speaking truth to my soul. I’ll be forever grateful for them.

So grateful actually, that I’ve seen what real friendship is.

There ARE secrets in friendships. Often times you need to get something off of your chest, so you tell a friend. You tell someone that you are secure in talking about this subject with. You share with them because you are comfortable doing so. There’s something so sweet in having a safe place to confide in. Someone that you know without a doubt will pray for you and love you regardless of your sins.

Secrets aren’t bad things. They’re only bad things when you use them against people. When you violate someone’s privacy by sharing what someone has confided in you.

Secrets are tiny links in a special friendship.

I’m learning this in my relationship with The Lord as well. He’s called me to do things in secret with him this week. Things I haven’t even shared with my husband. To create a more intimate bond with him.

But wait. We have to be careful in sharing secrets. We have to learn to not be burdened with friendships that are full of secrets. We have to use wisdom to learn how to pray for people who have secrets. And we have to learn to not take on false burdens for people that we love. I’ve had to learn to give Jesus secrets that I cannot fix on my own.

In the same aspect , I’ve seen how wrong friendships can be. I’ve seen how secrets can hurt people and destroy lives. Secrets that are held by our own will can end up poisoning us. We are never called to fix people’s problems by our own abilities.

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We are also not called to be in intimate relationships with people who constantly make us feel inadequate. We are not called to be door mats and silent in our grief of how we are treated.

Everyone deserves intimate , deep spiritual friendships. Safe places and acceptance.

This can only come , in true form from people that are in communion with. Jesus.

Yes, we are called to be witnesses of his great love for people. Yes we are called to be his light, and show people love and respect … No matter how they treat us.

But are we called to be in deep communion with people who hurt us on a continual basis?

Or are we called to love them from a distance, as to guard our hearts?

In my life I’ve had to love a lot of people from afar. Sometimes a friendship was too painful and I had to pass a baton to another person who was rested up and ready to keep running.

I’m asking you to reevaluate your friendships.

Are you inviting poison into your home. Your heart. And your family.

Or are you nurturing your heart and your walk with The Lord in your intimate relationships with people? Are you able to share your burdens and your heart with your friends ?

Or are you shut down. Degraded.

You are WORTH healthy friendships.

Starting with your relationship with Jesus Christ.