Why I wouldn’t change my homebirth plans.

The fact is that we live in a fallen world. Life is never perfect or just as we wanted, is it? But if we live life in fear of what could happen , or what has happened…

Won’t we miss out on the blessings ahead?

People die everyday driving in mini vans. Does this mean I should sell mine and get a tank to tote my three kids around in? Maybe one that has several machine guns on it , you know just in case I get robbed. And while I’m at in hire a private body guard for all of my children.

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This will step on some toes, but frankly I don’t really care. This is coming from the woman who’s feet are bleeding from judgement. And that’s ok. When you think differently about situations , often times people take things the wrong way. When really it’s your heart to support and love people. No matter their views.

But the problem is that I have a view. I want a voice in this too. I’m physically ill from being quiet in the face of respect for others. You can have respect for others , while strongly standing by your beliefs. But some people don’t see it that way.

Jesus made each woman different. For me, I have a strong passion for natural childbirth. Whether that be at home, in a hospital, or birthing center. Does this mean that I have judge mental views about women that don’t share my same passion?

No. I could care less how or where you birth. But what I do care about is how you are treated during the process. I do care that you want to feel important , and heard. It’s my heart for women everywhere to feel empowered and loved during the birthing process.

Most everyone knows I chose a home birth for our third child. Not everyone knows why or the reason it didn’t work out. I wanted to share with you my thoughts on this subject.

Adah’s pregnancy was blissful and easy. My midwife came to my home for every visit. We developed a bond that is indescribable. At 38 weeks we learned that Adah had turned and was breech. Many tears and research went into our decision to still birth her at home. Before you throw your pitchforks at me, just listen.

I had done extensive research on how to successfully deliver your breech baby. At home . In the care of a knowledgable midwife and assistants. I felt confident in my body and the care of my midwife. Were there risks? Yes.

But I want to say that this decision did not come lightly. Nor did I solely go on what my midwife said. I’m talking I spent day after day researching. I watched videos on YouTube that scared me for life. I spent countless hours trying to get her to turn. Countless hours having conversations with Jesus.

There began a grieving for my hearts desire. Being so strongly passionate in something makes faith easy. I had complete faith that she could be safely birthed into my arms.

I was not irresponsible or blinded. But instead I chose to see birth differently. I chose to see it as the natural act that it is. God made our bodies to birth beautifully. Just like he made food to be good for our bodies, and our breasts to nourish our babies.

With the fall of man things happened that prevented, or made it harder to live life as God had intended.

With that being said, I didn’t see it that way. My faith was so radical , so passionate that I cut people out of my small world for two weeks. In those two weeks of being overdue I learned more than I can put into words.

The Lord wrecked my heart for his and we became close friends. It’s a concept that many Christians don’t understand. Walking hand and hand with your maker. It’s how he intended our relationship to be.

If we can see how he intended things to be, but we ignore these subjects in the name of comfort or fear, why are we believers? Seems harsh, doesn’t it?

Well everyone is aborting babies , so I’m going to stop standing against it. It’s not working anyway. Or. People keep abusing their wives , so I’ll stop standing against that too. What is prayer anyway? Does he really hear us when we pray?

When we stop praying for and standing for what he intended natural birth to be like we give into the lies of the enemy.

Maybe your body can’t birth naturally right now. Maybe you need c sections because your body won’t dilate. Maybe you need to be induced, as your body won’t go into labor naturally. Maybe you have a medical issue during your pregnancies that causes you heartache and grief, thus resulting in medical interventions.

Are those births lost ? Are they wrong.

NO.

I had one of those births. And to discount the grief and loss that women suffer over failed home births, failed birth plans, or loss of control during her birth is a tragic , and toxic poison in the birth community.

It silences the voice of faith .

I’ll be damned if I stop fighting for things that God intended just because sometimes they are flawed.

God intended marriage to be a good thing. He intended you to enjoy sex with your husband . He intended for you to have a healthy relationship.

But often times marriage is flawed and unhealthy. Marriage can hurt people and bring out the worst in them. Does this mean I shouldn’t have gotten married because it could fail? My husband could hurt me or leave me at any moment.

But I know he won’t. Just as I knew Jesus wouldn’t leave me hanging with Adahs birth. His plan wasn’t the same as mine, but he was gracious enough to let me envision what a homebirth would have been like. And he was gracious enough to safe Adah at just the right time.

Just the same as he intended for you to give birth pain free. Without interventions and medical staff all up in your junk.

But it doesn’t always work out that way does it?

The fact is that we live in a world where women don’t know the power or strength of their own bodies. And give up so easily, when during the fight they could be growing closer to their maker.

Just because my home birth was a failed attempt doesn’t mean I’m throwing in the towel for future possible births, or that I will have a bitterness towards natural childbirth.

Instead it makes me mad as hell and fight harder for women that have a passion and desire for what my heart burns for.

For redemption .

I’m pushing through for what he intended, and have full faith despite my circumstances for breakthrough and to see women’s hearts healed.

Whatever that means for them. For me.