It was one of those days where everyone had an issue bigger than my need to shower, pee or eat. I was emotionally drained from several events throughout the day. My eyes puffy from tears and no rest. At one point , in my craze trying to explain to my husband what was going on in my spirit, he laid his hand on my shoulder and said :
” babe, you need sleep. Go to sleep.”
Then of course that made me cry harder , and I ended up in a fetal position in bed. Sobbing myself to sleep. Kinda like my 5 year old. I just needed a good cry.
I expected to sleep like a rock until morning, but that never happens. I may as well have a servants bell for the kids to ring. Actually that may be more pleasant than a scream. Writing that down….
After getting up several times to feed, change or put a child back to bed that was sleep walking , I laid my head down on my tear stained pillow and went back to sleep. I was quickly awakened .
Laying there I was nudged to open my eyes. Right in front of me was a vision of a series of different board games. It was as if I was watching a movie.
Scrabble. Monopoly. Dominos. All the solid board games I played as a child. I laid there watching this for what seemed an hour, but I’m sure it was a matter of seconds. I shrugged my shoulders and laughed out loud.
Not sure what that meant Jesus, but I’m sure you will tell me. Also I’m sleepy.
A few minutes after that I was awakened again by a strong arm around me. At first I thought it was my husband , Matt. Nah dude, get off me I don’t have any energy for you to get fresh with me. Maybe tomorrow when I’m fully awake.
But then I could tell it wasn’t him. This embrace was not sexual. Instead I felt protected. I noticed I was in the fetal position yet again. This arm didn’t move, but embraced me tighter and tighter. I didn’t doubt at this point that it was either Jesus or an Angel. I just laid there, feeling very safe. My tears had stopped.
A voice said to me:
:: I’m lifting you up.::
The next morning I went about my day , getting our oldest ready for school. Fixing breakfast and cleaning up. I felt this overwhelming new love for my little girls. I couldn’t keep my lips off of their cheeks and everything was a fun game.
Laying Adah ( 1 ) down for a nap we played peek a boo. She has just learned to play cute games and I’m soaking up this stage.
” Where’s Momma?!” / ” There she is!”
As her parent , I know this is just a game. But wouldn’t the situation be different if I thought she really couldn’t get to me? Wouldn’t my heart be broken if I knew she had doubts of my love?
I wouldn’t want to engage in a game with her if I knew she had doubts as to whether she could see me or not.
Laying her down , I saw the reel of visions again. Game after game after game. But this time I didn’t have a happy feeling about them. I felt the games to be unnecessary form of entertainment . A waste of time. And thoughts.
I felt in that moment his heart for his children .
We so often make a game out of loving him, and spend our whole lives playing hide and seek with him.
There’s no need to seek and seek and seek until we are exhausted. Would you hide from your child whom you love with a deep passion?
No. That’s ridiculous.
Adah didn’t take a long nap as usual, but awoke refreshed and singing. I walked into her room to find her arms stretched out wide for me to embrace her.
Because I love her, should I stand there , arms crossed wagging my finger at her because she didn’t take a long enough nap. Or should I pick her up, scoop her into my arms and say:
” I love you sweet girl! Why didn’t you take a good nap? They’re good for you, but I’m not mad you chose not to. I’ll hold you a little longer.”
You see, THATS his heart for us. He isn’t a punisher.
We don’t need to play all these games to get to him. He’s waiting for us where we are at this moment. He’s waiting to pick you up out of your crib, even if your nap wasn’t long enough.
:: I’m lifting you up.::
He’s never , never angry.