It’s really easy for me to commit to something. Sometimes not so easy to follow through. Kinda like , I will only drink one cup of coffee today. Or… I will keep the toys in the playroom organized. We all know those things are impossible. And dangerous to my children’s well being.
Sometimes Jesus asks me to do something, in which I know it will only be in his strength I can fulfill what he asked of me.
And several cups of coffee.
On Thursday he gently asked me to fast from fear and complaining. What? I’m not a complainer. Psh. I’m strong and never complain about my household tasks, my grumpy children or my baby waking in the middle of the night.
Admitting I’m lying to myself was the first step. The second step was agreeing to fast from those things, and the third was an ice storm apocalypse sent my way. Along with a large tree branch during an ice storm to make me realize how much I really do complain.
Laying in bed Friday morning the lights began to flicker. I literally said out loud,
” No Jesus . This is a bad day to start this fast. Can we reschedule?”
He probably laughed at me a little, then sent out extra Angels to watch over me. Knowing that I would be in a mess later that night. The day dragged on entertaining three small children who were shivering and bored. My husband Matt, was out scraping roads with no way to contact me. My phone had died hours earlier because I chose Facebook over keeping my battery charged.
I tried so hard not to complain. It took everything in me to not huff and puff when the kids asked for grilled cheeses and hot chocolate.
” but it’s snowing! You always can make hot chocolate when it snows! ”
Yes dear. And I can always let you watch countless hours of Dora when you get too frost bit from playing out in it. But I can’t do that today , can I? Lord send merciful angels to my aid. All this biting my tongue is borderline causing the need for stitches. And anesthesia . Lots of it.
Once I decided to stop fighting the urge to complain, and let him speak through me I was peaceful.
I’m going to be cold. Cool. I can’t have coffee. Ok.
We read books and played games. We colored and did puzzles. I can’t tell you the last time we really sat down and enjoyed each others cold company like that. No I pad to distract them. Just their ragged looking Momma and a couple games.
We were cold yes, but more importantly we were safe. We decided to venture to my uncles house who had power later that night. On the dark highway I felt like I was on the hunger games, my mission was to find a gas station that was open. After visiting countless ones, with no luck , and three hungry children asking for food, I ventured off the highway on an exit ramp and met a nice sized tree.
The tree and my bumper became lovers, intertwined on that exit ramp. I had to control my sobs as my children asked what just happened. It’s illegal to grab a beer at the nearest gas station and chug it right there in the parking lot, isn’t it?
Never the less, none were open . Thankful no one was hurt by the massive tree, I finally found a gas station to put fuel in the car. After hours and hours of fighting fear, envisioning what could have happened to my children had that tree been any bigger, we arrived safely at my in laws.
We were greeted with warm hugs and a candle light dinner. By candle light I mean the different variates of scents were filling the air, making for a confused nose but a thankful heart.
In all this I see a few things. Yes, I failed to fast what he asked of me. But I also saw that I am nothing without his strength. I mean nothing.
I can have the nicest house, coolest car and best looking husband and none of that matters. I know what we went through was absolutely nothing compared to what others experienced, or what people go through each day , but it sure made me thankful.
It made me thankful that we have people that were praying for us, people that took us into their homes and fed us. Loved us.
We are nothing without his love. We are nothing without his helper, Holy Spirit.
I was in such a rut day in and day out. Cleaning up messes. Endless amounts of laundry. I was a bit depressed and a lot exhausted. He used this ice storm to out things into perspective for me.
I got a break from real life, and journeyed on an adventure. I also learned our children are extra resilient. They slept like champs anywhere and everywhere. They’re ability to adapt to different environments was extremely impressive.
And when we finally got power back, I was glad to get back to my household chores. Thankful for my dishwasher that just a few days ago I scowled at , knowing there were clean dishes to be put away.
Thank you lord for teaching me. And being patient with me. But this is in no way asking you to take my electricity away again.