Rapha part two. A motherless child doesn’t exist in Heaven.

I’ve had many questions about miscarried children, and their place in heaven. If they have names, or do we need to name them? What age are they in heaven?

I don’t have all the answers, as I shouldn’t. No one can fully understand death and it’s reasoning . But often I get a glimpse of heaven, and at one point I had the privilege of meeting my sister in heaven.

My sisters and I all look very different. In fact people usually think I am one of the youngest, with my height being small compared to theirs. They are super model gorgeous , and I can wear limited too clothing. I was once asked if I was old enough to apply for a VIC card at Harris Teeter. You have to be 16 to do so . I had two children out of three with me at the time. I made sure to correct her and buy several bottles of expensive wine. Expensive means over $5. Moving on.

During what’s called a SoZO session a few years ago ( this is a counseling session that I highly recommend. It’s based on how you view the father , son and Holy Spirit ) . It deals with past wounds. Things from your childhood and old hurts , swept under the rug.

I met her.

Laying there, tears pouring as my counselor asked the Holy Spirit to lead, I was taken to heaven where she lived, and obviously thrived. I was aware of my moms miscarriage , but not aware I had another sister. Growing up I knew my mom had lost a baby between me and my brother, but I wasn’t aware it was a girl. She lost her very early on, and was mistreated at the hospital. They acted as if she was never pregnant, insisted she have a DNC and then she was out of there. This story always pierced my heart. I thought about my other sibling often, but never voiced it. I thought about her daily .

She would have been only a few months younger than me, and actually if she was here today , my brother wouldn’t be. I couldn’t imagine that life, with out him by my side. But I was thankful to meet her that day.

During my counseling session I was still laying there in the chair, but my soul was taken to heaven, still present in that room. My physical body didn’t leave the room. I was watching what felt like a slide show, still able to communicate with my counselors.

I saw her immediately once I entered heaven. Smiling at me she shook my hand. Her face shape was much like mine, her skin and facial features like mine. I felt a wave of love for her as I noticed she was much like me. Her hair was light, her eyelashes invisible. She laughed as she shook my hand, her humor filled my spirit as I began to laugh out loud there in that room.

She was like me. She made me laugh. It was like looking at myself.

She was short in stature and a stick , much like her older sister. I felt intense love for her and I missed her deeply. I missed the relationship we could have had. The humor we could have shared and the love she would have poured out onto her younger siblings. I knew she was taken to heaven for a reason. I knew her place was not with us at family dinners.

But I also knew she was interceding for our family.

I asked her her name. Although my mom had thought about naming her Naomi, she told me her name.
“I’m Sarah. ”

Perhaps her name was Naomi Sarah and Jesus called her Sarah . After all she is his princess. She’s royalty now. I can’t wait for the day we embrace . I ache for her. But rejoice my brother is here in her place. He has great plans for that one.

I say all this in hopes that if you have miscarried , your child needs a name. Naming your child can be healing and deeply special for you and your spouse. To refer to your lost baby as a name , not an it.

I’ve also come to the realization that our children we lose before birth aren’t alone in heaven. The previous blog post I wrote was about a dream I had a last night.

The more I prayed into the dream, throughout the day the spirit revealed more to me. I came to the realization that the couple I met in my dream was our son Jude’s caretakers. I believe that in heaven there is no lack of love, but abundance of it. So much so that a small child like ours would love a mothers touch and a fathers embrace.

The baby that whispered into my ear the word ” Rapha” was my son. I got to hold him as an infant in my dream, as I have only seen him somewhat grown. The woman speaking to me was his heavenly Momma.

I had nothing but respect for her, I was grateful she was loving on him. Grateful if I couldn’t hug him, she could. I could bow at her feet in this moment and kiss them . She is loving my boy.

Not a slight feeling of hatred was felt when I talked with her, just joy.

As if I was lending him to her arms, I should have became empty. Instead I was filled. He was safe and getting lots of kisses.

Perhaps this woman couldn’t ever have children on earth, and our son was her heavenly reward?

If you have lost a young child, please know they aren’t alone. They have someone to love on them in a perfect place. There are never tears , only laughter and joy. We can hope in knowing we will see them again, but until then they are kissed.