The book bags were packed and ready for all three kids when they awoke this morning. Organization is not my finest skill, but I’ve been forced into a routine for survival purposes.
I had this dream in my mind of dropping the girls off at school and relaxing in a hot tub. The hot tub that I wish to own, along with a bar tender to bring me a good morning mimosa. One can only dream , and in my dreams that bar tender is my husband and he has a vasectomy. I’ll stop there.
In reality we dropped the kids off at school together and had a mid morning date to a local diner. Those of you that know me well know that I’m a huge sucker for diner coffee. The mugs get me every time , and suddenly I am transfixed on the next free refill.
Talks of the kids well being and things we need to work on discipline wise filled our conversations. The break from the children I thought I would have wasn’t at all as I had expected. They still consumed my thoughts and prayers.
I realized something very elementary in that moment . You see, I’ve never been away from all my children at once , where they are in a school setting. What I thought would be very freeing for me was simply like a normal day. Minus the sibling fighting.
I still made choices revolving around them. I still drank my last mug of coffee decaf as to not wire up my toddler.
Grocery shopping with my husband while they were in school ( because what else is more sexy than a man handling watermelon on aisle 7) , I made a comment that I was doing hamburgers tonight for dinner.
Matt says :
” Ok that’s fine , I guess I just wasn’t even thinking about dinner. We just ate breakfast.”
There it was again.
Mothers never stop. We can’t stop. Even when our children are not on our arms or our eyesight every decision we make is in their best interest.
No wonder our job is so exhaustingly rewarding. We freaking rock.
We are the back bone of what holds our family together. So it’s ok to feel tired. It’s ok to feel tired. Do you hear me?
” Yeah, but I think about food all the time. I never stop thinking about my role as the cook.”
And I will never stop thinking about my role as a mother. When they are grown and I’m old , I’ll never stop striving to love them well.