Having a high faith level is a healthy part in our relationship with Jesus. When we trust that He is all knowing, all powerful and mighty… then what in this life do we have to be afraid of when we walk with him?
I asked myself this same question, the question that was ingrained into my very being as a child, every single day that I lived in that Farm house. I spent countless nights, after everyone was asleep trying and trying to cast demons out. Trying to bless the house that I did not own. Striving to make it my home. MY home. It was where I decided we would live right? I mean my couch was in there. My clothes. Pack of Costco diapers, size 4 split between two lovely blonde girls. Each night as tears streamed down my face, and I tried to drown out the sound of my own thoughts and eyes into the spirit realm…. I fought. Tooth and nail for the place that our favor in Christ got us into.
Sometimes his favor can open doors for us that weren’t meant to be opened. Regardless we were in.
There’s something that happens to your mind when you feel that you have failed God. When you become weary that your shouting must not be enough. The demons inhabiting that house didn’t care if I stayed or went. It didn’t matter to them how many times I rebuked them in Jesus name. This does something to how you feel about your soul.
Was I not holy enough? Perhaps I wasn’t saying the right words, or I didn’t have enough faith to make them leave. I soon started having panic attacks. They were from lack of control in my environment in which I placed myself in. It wasn’t long before I became a prisoner in my own body. I subconsciously began punishing myself for not being successful in ridding my home from evil. The anxiety grew worse , until my health was at stake.
Why am I telling you this you ask? To gain more friends of course. Everyone wants to be friends with a girl that has tried to cast out demons. Its all the rage. I just read about it in Vogue. I’m just trying to keep up here.
I’m telling you this for one reason: If you don’t succeed try , try again. This goes for everything pertaining to the spirit realm.
Yesterday, through the help and grace of two amazing friends, the Lord revealed to me the root of all my anxiety issues. Why they started and why they have remained, until yesterday. Mopping the floors, he hit me like a ton of brivks.
He spoke and said :
You’re still holding on to that house because you couldn’t fix it. You’re a fixer. You’re letting it become your identity in the spirit realm that your faith wasn’t strong enough to cast out those demons. That you’re fragile. You are not. The book you are writing will set you free from your own thoughts about yourself.
And then I was peaceful. I knew it wasn’t my place to fix that horrid house, but it sure was my place to high tail it out of there. When we place our identity in whether we are successful, we open the door for Satan to come in and destroy our self esteem. Our faith and our very hope.
I was released from the lie that my faith wasn’t strong enough to purify our home. The fact is it just wasn’t my party to attend. I totally crashed that party uninvited, and very alone . Not a friend in sight.
Friends, when it seems like we have failed in an area of our lives , perhaps it was only his protection over us. His grace for our sweet , overachieving minds. Perhaps he wants us to fight bigger battles , so he lets us rest.
I believed fully that He that is in me can concur evil. That’s why I pressed on. And on and on.
I soon came to realize I was in a battle that He did not sign me up for. I signed myself up to fight , I’ll equipped to get the job done. You know why?
Because it wasn’t Rachel’s battle.
Be careful the battles you choose to fight in Jesus’s name. Make sure you are sent from him and not your own stubborn thinking.
I forgive myself for all of it. I also receive his freedom that was awaiting me as my eyes were opened to see that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fighting a battle that I was uninvited to .
I carefully use my sword now. Only when I am called will I strike.
Were you drafted or did you volunteer?