The Goldfish hit the floor for the 17th time in a minute. It’s my toddlers goal to spill everything she can get her chubby hands on. As I reached down to yet again put them back in her bowl, realizing I hadn’t mopped in over a week, I handed them back. Dishes and laundry piled high, screaming in my face that I was a failure. I’ve had sick kids all week, and not much time to myself. My teeth had yet to be brushed, and no shower had happened yet.
There in the middle of my chaos a revelation came over me.
Each season as a parent is new. Something I’ve never had to deal with before. I am learning. Why am I allowing myself to be stressed that I am falling behind. I’m supposed to be BEHIND. Because I don’t know what the crap I am doing.
Sure, I know how to feed them. Clothe them and love them. But do I know what the day ahead of me will look like? Absolutely not. So why do I put limitless expectations upon myself to be perfect and to know all?
I’ve never in my 26 years of life had a 6 year old that bounces off the walls and eats everything in sight after school. I’ve never had a 3 year old daughter that cries at the sound of bedtime, and anything to do with vegetables. I’ve never had a 1 year old daughter that still demands to nurse at 23 months.
And I’ve never lost a baby before.
Each day brings something new as a Mother. Each season brings new growth, so while we are trying to get ahead, Jesus is saying get behind me. BEHIND. He makes our paths straight. He also understands where we are. He knows that our heart of heart is to be close to him, even while we are breaking up fights and changing diapers.
Lets give ourselves a little more credit. Every day is training, and the fact is we will never be ahead of the game. Because that just isn’t possible. Until we learn this will we be one big ball of stress. One more mess to clean up before we lose it.
I don’t want to look back at my Motherhood and regret not slowing down to smell a freshly shampooed baby head because I was too focused on the mess in the living room. There is a time and a place for cleaning, but we have to be careful to not let it control our thoughts. I’m speaking to myself , by the way.
With so so many demands on us as Mothers, it would be a miracle if we weren’t a bit stressed sometimes. It’s when we allow the stress , and symptoms of stress to rule our lives that we become that big ball I talked about.
I really love being a Mom. And being a Mom is really hard.