I rocked my newborn baby boy once again. The 7th time in an hour that he insisted on crying instead of falling asleep in my arms. Shhh baby, lets just rock. Momma is here , I won’t leave until you settle down. You have all your life to cry, lets be calm for now. You need rest. Shhh baby boy.
The glider rocked back and forth as his eyes grew heavy. The scent of his fresh baby hair filled the room. The room grew lighter as my husband opened the door, and quietly moved the cd player in the room playing soft music. Worship music filled the room, as I began to pray in the low tone of a whisper over our family. Often when we pray we don’t fully believe that what we are asking for , we will receive. I was young, only 20 years old, a new wife and a brand new momma. The words that came off my lips would come to past in years to come, yet I prayed them so innocently.
” Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours.”
Our prayers are always, always answered. In different forms, often than we imagined, but they are answered regardless. We are his children, asking for more of his heart. More depth and understanding of his nature. Since we are human, unable to FULLY grasp his love and compassion for his children, it is often times overwhelming when His heart for people hits us.
In the season I am currently walking through, he is wrecking my heart for people I do not know at all, or have hardly met. Why is this happening to me? Well, because I asked for it long ago, and he is always good to give us the desires we ask for.
When we begin to allow the Holy Spirit to lead our lives, we will encounter situations where we have no choice but to surrender to his will. For this time , he is allowing me to weep when I feel his compassion for others. This will not last long, as soon I will learn how to control my tears, and use the compassion I feel for others in a more constructive way.
For now, I am learning to grasp how he feels about ALL of his children, and as I learn I begin to weep for the unsaved, the troubled and the weak. I’ve asked to feel his heart, and so I am.
Soon I will not cry so much, soon I will have a tougher skin, but for now I am allowing him to break me , so that he can mold me. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to the move of his spirit inside me. In this sense, I am learning more about the God that I worship. What use is it to serve a God we do not know?
How can we fully worship him if we cannot begin to understand the nature that we are worshiping?
Being his daughters and sons we have a specific task to touch as many people with his love that we can. It all boils down to his love for us. It seems very simple right? To minister with love.
But I feel that it’s important to involve compassion and empathy with the love he has given us to give away. To truly know what it is like to love in a way that is unreachable by human hands, but very possible with Gods heart.