Lets talk about sex after parenthood.

I’m just gonna go straight to the punch. When you have older children ( kids that talk ) to take care of, feed, and clothe and all that… your sex life has to become creative. Correct, parents? Yes. All of those creative writing classes come in handy when texting your spouse throughout the day. Sweet little things like. perhaps:

” It’s been two weeks since we… had relations. “


” If we can get the kids to bed early you may have enough time to rock my world.”

Or. My personal favorite.

” I don’t remember the last time we had sex . Do you? Anyway, I’m down for tonight. Also can you bring home diapers. She wears a size four. And we need milk for cereal in the morning.”

” If you know what I mean.”

This can be added to anything and sound sexy. I’ve done this with my husband, and he hasn’t yet caught up with me.

” We need butter for the bread, if you know what I mean.”

” I need you to grab wine for the dinner we are hosting tonight, if you know what I mean.”

” I really enjoyed watching you cut the firewood for the fire tonight, if you know what I mean.”

” Can you bring me a diaper, if you know what I mean.”

OK, Ok. Not everything is sexy. But if you want to survive a marriage with three children under 6 you have to make every communication sexy,

Tonight while bathing all three children Matt calls me from the kitchen. He had just returned home from work, as I was washing all the muck off of his offspring.

” babe! come in the kitchen!”

” NO! I am washing your children!”

” No really! come in here!”

I walked into the kitchen only to hear the song that we danced to at our wedding. Etta James, at Last. Oh Etta. 


He reached out his hand, as I grabbed it to slow dance. We danced towards the bathtub to see that the kids were ok, as we continued to sway until a child threatened to poop in the bathtub, and romance was put on hold.

As parents, it is very easy for your sex life together to be put on the back burner. All those other things get in the way such as hygiene, dental bills, dirty dishes , and breaking up fights over Lego’s that at the end of the day you are exhausted. Too tired to think of anything else but getting the children in bed, and soon after falling asleep on the sofa watching mindless TV shows together.

The fact that sex involves some brain activity, much less physical cooperation means that it is put on hold until tomorrow, or the next day depending on number of children and exhaustion levels.

When life hands you children you must get creative with how and when you will have intimate times as a couple. I am writing this at the point of view of a friend. Not myself, as I have only had sex four times during our marriage.

Here are a few tips, based on my friends experience. I hope these help you.

  1. Day sex is always more fun. When it is light outside you can truly see eachother. Every stretch mark and pound gained through childbirth can really be appreciated. Seemingly so , during the day hours requires the children being entertained with various snacks and TV watching. High chairs are always a plus, as so to restrain the child while you do the deed.
  2. If you do the humpty during the day hours , while your children are awake, assure them Mommy is only having a private discussion with Daddy. That you are in need of quiet while they watch Veggie Tales for about 11.5 minutes and they have free range to everything in the refrigerator as to not knock on your door.
  3. One of my personal favorites is this: ” Daddy is so dirty from work that Mommy needs to help him shower all of his dirt off. This will only take a few minutes. I want you to work on your puzzle for about five minutes. And when I am done helping Daddy,we can have CANDY!”
  4. There is of course the “after children are in bed” routine where as soon as things get fun a child wakes up and is in dire need of water, cough syrup, or a clean diaper. In this case, things must be put on hold. Just try to focus on how much you love your husband while you are changing a diaper. This CAN result in immediate rem cycle, as you are laying down with said needy child, and soon fall asleep. Sex can be tried again tomorrow. You had a good run,
  5. Last but not least, here is my friends favorite time to do the deed. ANYTIME YOU CAN.

People. Sex is limited and soon to become extinct if we do not find creative times to have a happy marriage.The fact is that when we are intimate, we are a team. We feel assured that we are loved. When we take a sabbatical in the name of inconvenience we are depriving ourselves of the team that God designed.

Be creative. Do something fun this weekend ! Says my friend Doreen.

2 thoughts on “Lets talk about sex after parenthood.

  1. I love this!! I shared it on my Facebook today, and everyone else seemed to love it as well. 😉 So hilarious and true! We’ve all done it…if you know what I mean…

    1. Bahaha I love it!!! Thanks for sharing !!! If you know what I mean.

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