Being stuck in a house with three children under age 6 for four days in a row , makes you think about deep things. Like, what would it be like if I was a Polar bear in the winter? Would I be able to hibernate, even if I had three children? It’s only a logical question I needed answered, so I googled it.
To my dismay, I want to be a Polar bear.
“Pregnant female polar bears dig a snow den, give birth, and emerge three months later. During this time, they live off their fat reserves. But they don’t hibernate in the strict sense of the word.
True hibernators experience a marked drop in heart rate and body temperature. Mother bears do not enter a state of deep hibernation because they need a higher body temperature in order to meet the demands of pregnancy, birth, and nursing. ”
( Polar bears international website. )
First of all, Yes, it would be difficult to build my own den while very pregnant, but then again I would be a bear, so I would be strong enough. Maybe if I was a bear I could gain weight you know? And survive off of it for three months while I lay around and just nurse. Meal planning is hard y’all. I wouldn’t have any visitors, and I wouldn’t need make up or breast pads. I’ve heard bears have pretty good lives. They at least get a lot of sleep, which I lack. That and body fat. Sigh.
In order to determine if I was still a female human, I put on make up and took the kids out to lunch. It was delightful to see other humans, other than on TV and Facebook, which I have been glued to for the past few days to keep myself from running away from home.
I understand most women experience the urge to run away in their teenage years when their mother forbids them to see Jason the football player, but for me my time is now. I have an emergency bag just in case. I was never prepared to go give birth at the hospital, never had a bag for that. But this, I am prepared for. If I have to change one more diaper, and wash poop off my hands one more time I am retiring.
Watching our children play in the snow has been adorable, mostly from inside where I have to keep the baby from eating yellow snow. Normally, I wouldn’t be concerned but now we have a puppy that turned into a dog. I am realizing I don’t like dogs. Puppies turn into dogs, and then they just stink.
It’s a good thing when our babies turned into toddlers I still fed them.
There is something about the snow outside that makes my children more hungry than usual. Which is why I stocked up on unhealthy things from Wal Mart as to not waste my money on the healthy things. Only because they are eating like it’s going out of style, or stock. I don’t know, but either way they need to get jobs soon.
Since they are eating so much , they are using the bathroom more, Rather, the youngest is pooping in her diaper more. Earlier , before nap she decided to poop again, as I picked her up to lay in her bed. I get it, I mean it’s smart to poop before nap so you can stay up a little longer. I lay her on the floor, only to remember that the only pack of wipes we have is in my ugly mini-van. Of course it is.
I run outside, only to slow my speed quickly as I ice skated across the driveway to the van. I had always wanted to know what it was like to be a figure skater, as they make it look so easy. Now I know I couldn’t have ever made finals. Scratching that off my bucket list I haven’t had time to write yet.
Where are the freaking wipes? I found Goldfish, coloring books, diapers, candy wrappers, french fries…. oh there’s the wipes. They’re hard. Like solid. They’re frozen.
But she has a poop now. She needs to be changed now.
Have you ever microwaved a pack of wipes? Me either, I wouldn’t ever try that. That’s so stupid. Who does that?
Waiting for the wipes to cool down, I reevaluated my life. Suddenly I realized I never brush my teeth that morning, and last night I had a dream that I wore a T shirt with no bra in public. After three kids that could be like a horror show to anyone looking. Glad it was only a dream.
Not wanting to smell the poop anymore, as my daughter threatened to get up , allowing poop all over the carpet in her room, I ran the wipes under cold water.
There that should do it.
” IT IS TOO COLD MOMMA! OW! OW ! OW! TOO COLD!”
It was then I ran away. At least I wiped her first, that would have made me a bad Mother.
I will be back for Summer. Hopefully by then she will be potty trained, and have a steady income to support her snacking habits.