The sun shining through the window shades, he placed his still chubby hands on my stomach. The look in his eyes screamed of innocence and pure longing from deep within his 6 year old soul.
” Mom, I want a brother. A baby brother to play with. When will you have one?”
It seemed unfair that he did not know the reason for the tears staining his Mother’s face this early in the morning. It didn’t seem fair to keep him, my wise young man in the dark. My first born, the boy that made me a mother forever. The one that I no longer say when kissing him goodnight…
” You are my FAVORITE boy, goodnight.”
Has he noticed I no longer say that phrase as I tuck him in at night? When I say his prayers, and wish him a good nights sleep?
His hand rubbed my belly, almost in hopes of wishing a baby into being.
I envy my childrens innocence to life. I often long to go back in time and live my childhood again, as though I had never lived it before. The freedom and innocence that comes through completely trusting and living your life as though tomorrow will be great. No great burdens to bare and no relationships to mend. Only the grass under your feet as you run until your legs grow weary, and it’s time for dinner. The fort you built in the woods would still be there tomorrow, but you will be a day older. A day wiser.
There is a choice I have made to keep their innocence for as long as I possibly can. They need not know that they have another brother in heaven. Not right now , not any time soon. I want their view of life to be as pure as possible.
I often wonder how many times Jesus has kept me from tripping and falling in my life. How many times have I asked for so many things, both material and spiritual without really knowing if my maturity level was appropriate yet?
Watching my children grow and learn new things has made it easier for me to understand spiritual gifts. Each person has a different gift, because we are different people. I used to find someone that I valued their gift so much that I found myself wanting to be just like them spiritually. I wanted that gift yesterday.
What does this have to do with the topic of protecting your children?
It’s because I believe the Lord protected my gifting until the right season of my life. My gift would have made my childhood possibly traumatic. Instead he shielded my eyes until I was mature enough to handle it.
This has helped me to go with what God gives you for that season, instead of constantly striving to –
Figure out your gifts. This can cause us to doubt hearing His voice if every T isn’t crossed and every i isn’t dotted. It’s not our job to figure out every supernatural experience with our Maker. And once we take that weight off of our shoulders, we are free to be unclear. Because He knows, and He directs our paths.