Children’s Birthday parties, and why I lay down rules before we walk in.

Everyone loves how much I love to host people in my home. It’s my most favorite past time. I’ll most likely welcome you in to sit by the fire and offer you a variety of drinks and foods. Until you agree to let me feed you, I will relentlessly ask in a super annoying way. Soon you become tired of my antics to feed you a chocolate bar, so you partake until your stomach cannot take any more. I am like an Italian woman asking you to finish your massive bowl of lasagna, then giving you a third refill in your wine glass.

People leave my house fat and wasted.

Maybe not wasted, but fat and happy. 

I offer complimentary vomit bags as you walk out the door to your car. You know, just in case my hospitality makes you nauseous.


Now that I have stated how much I love having people in our home, I now have to get something off of my chest.

Kids birthday parties stress me out, so much that I hire my talented friend to decorate for me. She gives me a generous discount, and I feed her while she is here. Bless her creative heart that I lack.

Birthday parties for children take a lot of work, a lot of money and a lot of wine.

Since I am never a fan of mommy bashing, I wanted to take this blog a different route. Instead of saying what Mother’s and children shouldn’t do, or should do.. I would like to share what we make our children do at birthday parties.

They are heavily trained, with endless hours of practice in the area of not being rude and annoying at birthday parties. Because Mommy hates children all up in my face while I am helping my child open a special gift, I set rules for my own children to follow at parties.

  1. They are not to ask when the cake will be cut. It will be cut whenever the family decides to. In the mean time, eat these carrot sticks and like them.
  2. If there are balloons at the party, do not use them to hit other children in the face, butt, or stomach. This could result in Mommy taking the balloon and popping it. Balloons are for the air. Not your hands.
  3. When it is time for presents, they have to sit with me. Don’t worry, they are still in the view of the presents and all the fun. Don’t call me a Nazi, I just want the KID WHO’S BIRTHDAY IT IS TO SEE WHAT THEY GET FOR GODS SAKE.
  4. Again with the present time. They sit, not stand to see the gifts. There will be plenty of time AFTER the opening that the kid can show off his/her gifts. Also my children do not need to act like wild monkeys in heat. They can sit still and watch. They get a quiz after. Not really.
  5. Present time, again. They aren’t allowed to ask to play with the new toys. That’s like an adult getting a brand new book, excited to read it…and a friend asks to read it first. BACK UP HOME GIRL. NAH

After reading this you most likely think I am a mean Mom. Well, if teaching my children respect for others celebrations is mean, then I am the meanest.

My children still have a good time at parties. My gosh, they are usually the ones entertaining everyone. But at the same time, they are learning to celebrate OTHER people they love. Learning life is not all about JUST themselves, and that’s ok. It’s a good thing to celebrate others. It humbles you, and builds character. All the while you are dying to touch their new baby doll, and counting the ways you resent your mother, you are growing. Growing can make you antsy, especially after all that cake and ice cream. But you gotta sit still. You gotta honor others, even when you feel like pitching a fit.

That’s life kids.

I know way too many adults that have a hard time celebrating others successes. Jealousy comes into play, and the lie creeps in that they aren’t good enough. Why not teach our children at a very young age to honor and celebrate others in a way that is respectable. Giving them space to be joyful, and watching from afar. After all, we learn quickly that life isn’t all about ourselves. 

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