I’ve been pretty quiet this week. Most of the time when I am quiet on the blog that means that I am checking my stocks, and booking our tickets to the Cayman Islands for next month. Sometimes it means that I am busy interviewing new maids for the house,and other normal housewife things. Maybe I got caught up in a tizy when Taylor Swift showed up unannounced for the third time this week. I love catching up with her, but it pulls me away from my blog time.
I hate confrontation, but I had to tell her I needed more blog time. We agreed to cut it down to twice a week lunches. Which is fine with me, because my new maid fixes a fabulous chicken salad. ( T Swifts fav ). I call her T Swift because we are best friends.
In actuality I spent most of the week wrestling with my emotions. Reevaluating if I was doing this whole life thing the right way. I know it shocks you T Swift didn’t come by, but there was a reason for my silence.
Silence is a powerful voice , so powerful that it can mean more than words can communicate. Often holding our tongue saves the respect that you have not only for yourself, but for others that you love.
Relationships are hard like that. Picking and choosing our battles is something that will always be a continual thing , weaved into our love for one another. We see this in marriage all the time. The way he slurps his soup is just too much for me. How much is too much nagging? When do I step up and say that he is driving me insane when he eats like that?
The answer is that there is a way to confront people that you love in a loving way. It’s completely possible to strip away our offenses, and express in love how we feel. This can only be done once we have gotten past the ” right” that we have to be offended.
The fact is that there is no offense in love. It cannot exist. We can become righteously angry for the things that grieve our hearts, the things that are unethical or immoral, but we must decide in every relationship what is worth fighting over. What is worth bringing up and causing strife? The thing that we are making a big deal out of…. will this thing matter in ten years? Or will it only hurt people I love if I bring it up? Or should we just shrug it off, because we love in a deeper way than just the surface. What if we go above and beyond and live like Jesus did when he was here on earth?
He who is without sin, cast the first stone.
That’s a lot of pressure isn’t it? What does that verse actually mean? Are we to never stand up for what is right? What has deeply hurt us?
No. We are children of the most high King. It just means that we have no place to judge others actions. That’s a huge punch in the gut. A lump to swallow in your throat.
When is it healthy to express our feelings for the good of ” communication” , and when is it just better to bite your tongue until it bleeds. Then forgive your offenses.
I think this is where discernment comes into play. We learn when walking in the spirit what is worth bringing up. We learn to brush things off of our shoulders because they are not ours to carry. When we understand that everyone lives their lives differently, we can accept that not everyone will do things the way we do them. This doesn’t mean they are wrong, and we are right. It simply means that we place value on what is deep inside our hearts.
Offense is a choice, just as anger is one.
There are situations in which we may be tempted to be angered by someones actions against us. This is just life. But I am learning that it is important to pick your battles. For surely if we fight each battle that comes against us, in a rage, we hurt the whole army. We put our hearts, and their hearts in danger of never winning, only fighting until the end where both armies are injured.
Listen, we aren’t called to be doormats. We are called to respect people, and at the same time to forgive. Forgive and forget.
Let me just challenge you : what if sometimes we are called to just forgive without holding an offense? Isn’t that what grace is all about?
We must be careful in expressing our feelings to each other. About each other. It can be a toxic environment to step into. One that requires fresh air afterwards. A clean slate as to not relive it.
We are called to love with a love that is so passionate, just as he loves us. This love doesn’t see mistakes in the way that the world see’s them . This love is easy to forgive, and slow to anger.