With the sun shining and the soccer balls moving to and fro my distracted daughter ran up and gave me four flowers. Three had already bloomed, and one looked as if she had been too eager to gather it into her hand.
” Momma, here is one for ALL of your babies! Look!”
I counted the blooms, and noticed the one that was picked too soon, before it had a chance to bloom. I smiled and knew it was God’s way of acknowledging my Jude, who was picked too soon. He still counted, but his bloom was in heaven. Not in my hands as I would have desired.
Instead of succumbing to sadness as I would in the past, a bright smile ran across my lips and I thanked God for showing me a simple gesture of love to me. As if he knew how much it would bless my soul to see a part of nature connected to my son in heaven.
I believe with all my heart he wishes to show us signs and wonders of how much we are loved. If only we take the time to notice how is is lovingly showing us. He is so very creative in his ways. Our minds cannot begin to grasp his tactics to show his love , but we can try. We can be ready with open minds to receive his love in the most bizarre ways known to our minds.
No matter if this was a mere coincidence or not, the fact is that this simple gesture drew me closer to my Maker than minutes before. I felt heard, and very loved in my grief. I believe he is that personal , and that gracious to do things to touch our hearts.
This was Easter Sunday. The first Easter Sunday in all my life that I laid in bed wishing to be with my family. My handsome, strong and loving husband took over Easter like a boss. He made it fun and free spirited for our children like non other. He took over all duties as Daddy as i laid in bed in severe pain from a ruptured ear drum. I asked my Mother and sisters to take several snap shots of my sweet family and sent them to me. In a pool of tears that I was missing all these sweet moments, I received this picture from my sister.
At first I shrugged the line of light off as a camera default, or the fact that the sunlight just so happened to be there, beaming down beside my husband and children.
The more I looked at the picture, the more tears streamed down my face, knowing it was a sign of Jude in our family. Knowing that even though he was in heaven that God had allowed him to see our family. His sisters who would have loved him SO much. They would have doted on him, and served him hand and foot. Kissed his chubby cheeks and fought over who would have held him next. His brother who would have taught him how to play soccer, and the importance of only wearing Nike shoes.
I love the placement of Jude. Right smack in the middle of all the love. His sisters who are the light of the family, the encouraging aspect of the family, and the thread that holds us together. He was beside his beloved brother who would give anything to have another boy around to rough house with. A brother to share a room with, and share the secret trails of the woods behind our home.
God’s love for us is creative. He often does things for us that we overlook, or put in a category of coincidence.
As I shrug my shoulders, and know that I cannot have all the answers to life’s questions, I feel more peaceful.
But I do know one thing:
He loves me , ( you ) so much that he will go to any length to prove it.
I smiled as I wrote this article. Only smiled. Because His love is bigger than any grief my heart desires.