It isn’t for your beauty that you should be punished, it isn’t the beauty that brings the abuser. It’s the lack of beauty in themselves that brings on the abuse.
A woman’s beauty is a prize worth admiring, gently loving, and respecting.
She was too young the day her purity was tampered with. At only 15, she lay at the edge of his bed. His dark room that smelled of old mildewed football gear, and laundry that had been forgotten. The smile on his face didn’t match how her soul felt after he violated her body. The words he said to her after tears filled her eyes would forever remain in her memory.
” You’re just so pretty, I couldn’t help myself.”
It was then that she became ashamed of her beauty. She began wearing less revealing clothing, more T shirts from Goodwill, and long skirts to cover her legs. With her young teenage body just beginning to form, the only time anyone would notice her shape was in the Summer time, as she allowed the sun to gaze upon her body. The rays became her escape for relaxation. While some of her friends began to drink alcohol at parties, she found her escape in the sun.
The abuse continued as the relationship with this older jock wouldn’t end. The constant manipulative conversations about them remaining together forever, and his faithful love kept her hoping the way she was being treated was all in the name of love. Surely the way he wanted to immediately be physical with her was a result of his love and admiration for her as a person, her atractive teenage body was just a bonus. Surely he saw in her what Christ see’s.
The manipulation became like thick cloud around her mind. She began sneaking out of the house just to be with him, her entire happiness depended on his mood that day. Would he be romantic, and loving? Or would he ignore her at parties and never call to tell her goodnight?
After months of living in complete bondage and sexual abuse, he ended it. Yep, He ended it. She didn’t have the courage to.
Because she convinced herself that love came in all shapes and forms. Love could have been different than what she had experienced at home. How her Father loved her Mother could have just been a miracle, maybe not all men are like her Father.
The issue was that she was being noticed for the first time in her life by a young man. She automatically trusted that he would treat her with respect. Doesn’t every young guy value a young woman with purity and integrity in her heart?
He was the older guy all the girls her age wanted. She felt a certain privilege that the other girls didn’t have. He loved her out of all the other girls in school. He loved her so much that he forced himself on her on Prom night. When she refused to give him what he wanted, he promptly dropped her off at home to go and find a girl that would.
As she took her bobby pins out of her hair that night, she knew. She knew he was going to go find an older, more experienced girl to have his way with. She cried herself to sleep that night, but yet allowed her mind to still have hope that he would call the next day. When the call never came for days after that she remained hopeful that she was still his number one girl.
When he would call, she would go out of her way to greet him. She still allowed him to touch her body in places only her husband should be allowed to touch. All in the name of acceptance by abuse.
That girl was me. Right before I met my husband. If you asked me today why I continued seeing this man after all the abuse and mistreatment I received I would tell you that I was blinded. I was blinded into thinking that love could hurt sometimes.
Love wasn’t all I thought it would be growing up. Love could hurt. Love could make you cry. Love wasn’t enough. Love meant bending over backwards for a man that smiles when you kiss him. Love meant waiting for a phone call. Love meant begging for a real date, not just going into his bedroom. Love was too hard.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 6 Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 7 Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
1 Corinthians 13:5-7
Authentic love that God designed does not include women being sexually abused. IN FACT beauty is fleeting if a man see’s your heart first. If I could have a chat with my 15 year old self right now, I would say this to her:
It is not for your beauty that you are abused.
Your beauty is a treasure, to be seen by your beloved.
Your body was formed to fit his in your marriage bed,
Where love is blessed and thrives
Where love is so ample, that love is conceived.
Love doesn’t make excuses, love is safe.
A relationship built on Christ’s love is good,
but the absence of sexual sin is one that we have to
be in control of. To set healthy boundaries for.
And just when you think love is all lost,
God will send the right one into your path.
Love isn’t over after you believe it’s finished.
For it was Christ that designed love, and sex inside the marriage bed.
It’s His good will for you to find it.
Hey fifteen year old me:
Stop compromising what love should be like, just because you are fearful there won’t be anyone else for you.
I shared this because fifteen year old me still screams at me to protect myself. I shared this because far too many Godly women I know were sexually abused. Verbally abused. Mentally abused.
It is not okay.
(That afternoon that man took all he could take, aside from my virginity. I look back and wonder why I even let him close that bedroom door. Why I didn’t love myself more. Why did I allow him to violate me?)
This is why I am sharing.
God does not simply sit back and allow his daughters to be abused. He sends help. And in time, He sends the right man. A man of integrity and strength. One that loves you for your heart and your mind first, before he ever notices your outer beauty.
Your outer beauty shouldn’t be an automatic excuse for abuse and mistreatment. Your beauty is to be valued, not used as a crutch to make bad choices.
Your beauty is a good thing. Don’t hide it, show the world who you really are. Integrity and all. The right man will come like a wave, and show you how you should be cherished.
To all the women in relationships before marriage, check these things before giving him your whole heart:
Does he respect you in private?
If you desire children, does he?
If you are a Christian woman, is he also a believer?
Did he love your heart first?
Your body is a temple. Meant to hold the Holy Spirit, and for your husband to respect and to love.