And they never had sex again.

In my Teenage years I was a bit rebellious. Nothing horrible, I only went through the Wendy’s drive through naked ONCE. Rearranged neighborhood Christmas lights completely a time or two. Harmless things really.

I had a lot of extra time on my hands NOT attending fourth period, so I went to fine dining places for lunch during school hours, and shopped for Home goods for the home I knew I would have after High school with my then boyfriend, and now husband. 

When Matt married me he knew he was in for a wild ride. I like to think it’s my risky behavior that he loves about me most, but I think it’s just the way I don’t pester him about leaving the toilet seat up. We use different bathrooms, so that solves all of our marital issues. He has an outside shower and toilet. 
Every once in a while I have these crazy ideas, which usually end up to be rather rhetorical in the end. 
These ideas I can usually persuade him into actually doing.  With that being said I would love to share a funny story of a couple that I know very personally. Let’s call them Matt and Rachel. Weird we have the same names right?!
On a date night at the beach Rachel decided it would be a fun idea to find a dark place to park their Mini van and have marital relations. Er, just have sex. With three kids waiting for them back at the house sex was slim to none. After brushing teeth , and bribing the children to go to bed so they could get it on was basically impossible. The exhaustion from bedtime battles left no room for sexy anything . 

Matt reluctantly agreed , knowing full well his wife gets caught doing anything barely illegal. 
Drive down that way, it looks fun!”

So Matt did. Matt parked the van. Matt got scared of all the noises coming from the sound of the ocean, but Rachel didn’t care. That skank. 

” Don’t take everything off babe! What if someone comes and looks in the van!”

” Oh LIVE A LITTLE SILLY, you’re so uptight! Just pretend we are in High School again!”

” We didn’t have sex in High School . That makes no sense.”

:: throws bra to the front of the van::

Rachel was in her birthday suit for a total of three seconds when an uncover cop decided to make his rounds near the shore. At first she just face planted herself into the floor of the minivan, envisioning herself being held against her will for trespassing ( again ). What would she tell their three children about why Mommy and Daddy didn’t come home that night? 

No, she couldn’t be caught naked…. So she slivered around until she found her dress , which she put on inside out as the cop shown his lights into the van. 

Surely the mini van screams DATE NIGHT WITH SNOTY NOSED KIDS BACK HOME. 

He only looked for a few seconds into the van, but long enough for Rachel to get her clothes back on. 

The couple whispered a plan, with the windows rolled down. Then said loudly: 

” Yeah these stars are really better at the beach. “

Because they are totally slick like that. And boarder line dorks.

The cop got out of his truck to what seemed like the beginning of our parking violation , only to walk right past the van and onto the Pier. 

He HAD to have seen Rachel’s c section scar, gagged and forcefully walked away to throw up. 

The couple sat there in silence knowing completely how unsexy their date night was. They talked about the stars and made bets which child was asleep first. 
They decided to drive around again and try to find a spot to at least make out, but one of them had to poop, so they headed home to a life of kids and laundry, and never had sex again. 
The end.

They look like us too. Trolls. 

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