You know those winning moments? 

You know those moments in parenting that you are really WINNING?   
Like the time they put their plate in the sink without having to be asked. Or the time they apologize to their sibling while you watch from a room away sipping hot tea and eating crumpets. What about the time they got ready for school on their own and brought you a latte? Oh, those are the best times. 

Tonight I did something that made myself beam with pride. It’s not every night I get to rock my toddler to sleep not twice, but four times before she will lay down unassisted. How I value those hours spent with her. 

Finally , it seemed she was finally in a coma , so I decided to make the trek from the rocking chair to her bed. The journey was long and tough , but I pressed on through Barbie dolls and leftover vodka bottles from the bedtime before last. 
At last I made it to the foot of her bed, careful to not wake her.. I slowly lowered her by the crane I rented for such occasions. Without a peep she laid her precious head on the pillow. What a sweet sight, her eyes closed and mouth slightly smiling.
Was she smiling for fake, knowing I thought I was off duty for thirty more minutes? Regardless, I acted as if I was lovingly laying beside her. Caressing her hair and singing what sounded like what one would river dance to. It’s just what came out. I’ve never river danced. 
With my left arm underneath my head I began to roll slightly to the left. With each roll I counted my blessing of another successful second. 
Slower and steadier I made my way to the end of the tunnel , the very escape from Auschwitz my body longed for. Before I knew it I was on the floor, nearly inhaling old Goldfish and God knows what else in the sippy cup I encountered. 
Suddenly she moves, cries out my name but I am no longer Momma. After 8 pm I am Veronica , the woman who folds laundry on her own and occasionally eats chocolate and sips red wine. She hears her own thoughts, and dreams of one day having a family of her own. But not now. 

I army crawl towards the doorway towards victory , getting my ab workout in five seconds flat. Enough for the whole rest of the year. I feel fierce and confident as I crawl like an infant out the door and into the light. 
The light is so bright , so mean to me. I’ve been in the dark for what seemed like years, rocking and rocking. Sea sick I became , anxious for solid ground. 

As I stand to my feet as Veronica I know the night is mine to do whatever I want. 

Like pack lunches, scrub the toilets , and last but not least crawl back into the nearest bed and stay there until I am forced out

Veronica can be so immature. 

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