How are babies made Mom?

The car ride was normal, nothing out of the ordinary. The girls were fighting over a naked Barbie doll, I was chugging ice water to wash down my anti-anxiety medication when Asher decided to pull a fast one on me.

” Mom, how are babies made? I mean how did we all get in your belly? Did Dad help you do that?”


I sigh, snicker and wish I could say that his Dad DID help make him and his siblings.  ( He did but.. ) He had the time of his LIFE helping me make them. I think he had the most fun of all three of us. I think that without him, you wouldn’t be here Asher. But I think that either way, Dad has fun  “helping ” me bring life to earth through my uterus. Like every time. 

” Yeah , well that’s a great question. We will have to talk about this really soon. There are a lot of things to discuss. Hey, what did you have for lunch at school today?”

And there it was. My response to when our dear child asked how he was made. I said I would discuss it. I would DISCUSS how he was made, like later? How must he have felt sitting in the back seat of the mini van, contemplating on how he even got here?

We talked about how he ate pepperoni pizza, and my brain scrambled for a good response, one to top the lame one. Nothing came to mind except panic, and fear that he would soon ask his First grade teacher how babies were made. I can’t have that happening, so tomorrow it will be done.

He will understand tomorrow. Life as we know it will change as a family, heck as a couple.

No more-

” Mommy and Daddy are going to go take a nap together.”

” Are you going to do that thing you talked to me about when you’re in there?”

Dear God, help us all. Everyone.

Perhaps I could tell him that I don’t know how babies are made. I could play dumb, just like I don’t know how people like Pumpkin spice lattes. I don’t know how people are naturally competitive, or generally like the show Caillou the least bit. He’s an asshole of a kid.

I’m not ready for this talk. Then again I wasn’t ready to get pregnant with him, but it happened. At it was scary and wonderful, and mostly scary. I feel like our talk will reflect how he was made.

Pretty fast, a little weird and inexperienced. I’ll just leave that there.

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