In our deepest moments of grief, despair and heartache there is an open door for the one who died for you to speak about pain. He has been through it all. There is nothing he cannot understand about how you feel.
Her room was dark as she slept peacefully in her bed. My lips met her cheeks as I whispered one more prayer over her before I went to bed. Covering her up and tucking her in tight I noticed her blanket that she has slept with since she was an infant wasn’t in it’s usual spot. Right beside her, every night.
Scanning the room I saw it sitting on top of the toy chest.
Immediate tears filled my eyes, knowing time was never on my side. She was growing older, and soon it may be in a box in the attic. Only something we talk about at family gatherings, instead of it being by her side.
Sighing I picked it up, and placed it beside her.
” You love this sweetie. Remember? “
(((When we allow him to be our security blanket in times of distress, we get used to his presence being the only thing that gets us to our next breath. )))
But what happens when life’s season changes, your grief ends and joy returns? Do you speak to him as much? Ask him to help you in the small daily tasks ? Or do we just leave him on the floor, only to step over him as we head to bed?
Seeing my daughter no longer need her blanket to rest peacefully brought up emotions in my spirit that at first I could not put into words.
Of course I’m aware she is maturing , and for that I am glad. Growth needs to take place in order for her to walk into her destiny. I just couldn’t help but ask myself these questions:
Right now, when my life is pretty stable… do I rely on his presence as much as I did when we lost two babies? Do I pray as much as I did when I was suffering from major panic attacks? Do I cry out to him as much as I did when I lived in a home filled with demons?
Have I never learned to take hold of his presence in the GOOD? Have I allowed him to be the God of my JOY.
The thing is that the God of my grief, and the God of my joy… they are the same. He never waivers or changes. It’s how I call upon his presence that is different. It’s me that changes.
I felt so strongly tonight that although I have never felt closer to him than I have in hard times, there is much to learn about his heart in the joyful seasons. I’ve skipped that part. I’ve allowed my flesh to have the mentality that he is my comfort blanket. When life is hard, I need him. When life isn’t so hard, I can sleep without my blanket.
The bottom line is that this relationship I am in with him, it depends on me responding to him. Me actually talking with him in the good seasons, not just waiting for a bump in the road and then suddenly I need his presence.
We need his presence in the good too! He wants to enjoy life with us. Heck, it’s his pleasure to see us smiling.