A good leader doesn’t dictate.


He came storming through the laundry room door, and straight to the pantry for a snack . I could sense something was wrong just from his body language, so I let him wait to tell me.

Lately Holy Spirit has been teaching me to take our children’s emotions more seriously , in a way that shows them what they are feeling is valid. At the same time, never allowing disrespect to us, it’s a balance I’m trying to find on a healthy scale.

After a few minutes of him walking around the house like his feet weighed a thousand pounds each , he sat down in the middle of the kitchen floor. Angry about a situation that he couldn’t control.

” Momma, I’m just SO ANGRY! Like , IM SO MAD! Today stinks!”
I got down to his level as the tears spilled from his eyes. A situation I couldnt control, where he felt left out. Casted aside. I let him cry. I let him be angry.

Yes, I let my son BE ANGRY!
He had every reason to be upset. In the past perhaps I would have told him to ” calm down buddy, let’s go outside.” Or …
” It’s ok buddy, want me to shoot some hoops with you outside?”

Instead I felt the Lord tell me to allow his emotions to be expressed in a way that was healthy, and very healing for him.

He’s learning quickly that life isn’t fair, and that people hurt us ,and we hurt them, and often we can feel left out.
I felt that allowing him to be angry would pave the way for the lines of communication to be open in his teenage years.
Whatever tone we set in our home, our children will follow. 
It made me think on how many times I’ve gone before the Father and yelled at the throne at how angry I am at him, and at life. He always listens , and respects my thoughts until I am finished. It’s then he gives me wisdom, and peace.
So at the end of our conversation , I said the only thing that came to mind to my son.
” Buddy, I know you are so upset. You know what, I would be too. Sometimes life really stinks as you get older, but you learn to grow from it. You learn to forgive , and only to be angry for a while. If we continue being angry it only hurts our hearts. I want you to go outside and throw your basketball as hard as you can against your goal. Do it as many times as it takes for your anger to calm down. I am only telling you this because throwing a basketball doesn’t hurt anyone. But taking anger out on me , your daddy or your sisters isn’t ok in our home. Ok?”
” Ok.”
And there he went , outside for thirty minutes , bouncing that ball as high as he could. I watched him with a slight grin because I just taught him to take control of his emotions , and also to express anger without harming anyone.
He came back inside a different child. Ready to watch a football game with his daddy. Ready to eat, to think, and to love.
When we go to God with our lives troubles he doesn’t tell us to be quiet, but instead he loves us through it. He listens.
I just want to show my children the same respect. No matter their age. To know that they have valid feelings, and that we are not their dictators.
We are in charge yes, but a good leader listens to his flock when they need help. 

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