Each night as I prepare three tiny plates full of food, I miss two.
The head count before school in the morning makes me miss you. Three. My heart counts to five for you.
Three little places in the craft corner screams happiness and incompleteness to my eyes. What do you draw in heaven? I know your eyes see far beyond our horizons.
Three beds to make up mid afternoon when I am catching up on housework makes me think of your perfect dreams in heaven . Do you dream of your Momma as I dream of you?
All the shoes I sort I wonder if they would fit your perfect feet. Do you have a wide foot or slim one? Where do your feet go in heaven? Do they wander here to me?
When one of your siblings is sick I thank God you aren’t suffering anymore. You’re whole. Running when they are resting.
When I look into their blue eyes I see yours too. They are a reflection of you both, a blood pact you have that they aren’t aware of yet. Your blood pumps through their veins. To their heart where I am.
I’ll meet you there babies.
Each time I rock your big sister I long to hold you, even just once. To smell your baby hair. Kiss your once chubby cheeks. Rock you long after you’re sleeping.
When I kiss your Daddy I think of you, how you were made in love. That the love we have keeps you alive in our hearts. Until we meet again, I’ll kiss daddy for you.
Three little towels wet from a bath reminds me that your life is clean and pure. You lack no good thing. No filth to meet your eyes, no mistreatment to cloud your path. You’re clean.
As I love your siblings as I love you, may you see it.
My babies you’ll always be.
One, two, three, four, five.