I realize this will offend some people, and for that I am sorry. But not really, because I have to write it.
There are those people on Social Media that make you want to throat punch someone while innocently scrolling down your news feed. I have been these people once in my life. We all have. Let me educate you on these lovely people in whom I want to delete from my friends list.
This is me at age 2 , already annoyed at Facebook. I was born this way.
- There’s those that tell you when they are going to bed. It’s so unusual , because I never go to bed. No one ever does that. ” Goodnight, see you in the AM!” Please don’t tell me you are going to bed. I don’t care. I am too. Goodnight.
- There’s people that ” check in ” in every.single.location. It makes stalkers and weirdos want to follow you more than they probably already do. It also makes me want to look up where you are, drive there and congratulate you for being there.
- ” just checking in at Britts donuts. The best in town.” Wonderful. The only reason I would care is if you brought me one all the way to my house, but since you won’t then just shut up. Those have so many calories, enjoy you jerk.
- The endless pictures of your children when they are on a park slide. There’s like 45 of them. They are all blurry. You are not a photographer. Stop. I didn’t take my kid to the park today because you were going to be there having a photo sesh.
- This one makes me vomit in my mouth a little. When people inform the social media world that they are ” taking a break”. They are extra arrogant and holy. I promise you that God doesn’t have a bigger mansion in heaven for you if you take a freaking break from Facebook. Just get off Facebook and shut it. Don’t be all self righteous, you’ll be back on in three days. ” God told me to.”
- Those adults that have their profile picture set as their children. Are you five? Are you the one on the left wearing the pink Easter dress holding a basket full of eggs? You are confusing me. Please just change your profile picture to your real face, not your offspring.
- When you constantly change your profile picture to a cartoon character, a flower, or a sunset it makes me want to get violent. It makes me want to kick a bunny.
- Please don’t post what you ate seconds before if it isn’t legit good food, or it doesn’t have a funny caption. I don’t care. Now I’m hungry.
- If you share ONE MORE IF YOU LOVE JESUS POST I WILL ASK JESUS TO TAKE YOU OUT OF THE BOOK OF LIFE.
- Never post a photo of you and your special person kissing . If I want to see that I would just go to a strip club.
I feel better that I’ve gotten these things off my chest. Speaking of chests, I don’t want to see yours on Facebook.