I know what you are all thinking. Rachel is a really good person. She makes perfect decisions, and never gets in trouble with the law. I understand where you have gotten this image of me. It must have been the pizza roll video. The one where I find a pizza roll on my butt that had been there for hours, then I eat it.
All wise people do things like that. That is me.
This one time when I was pregnant with our first born , Asher… the hubs and I went downtown to eat dinner. Everything was G rated at first. We met up with our good friends Chris and Tommy, and things got dicey.
Tommy is an excellent photographer, so we decided it would be a fun idea to walk up to the nearest train station and snap a few shots.
Perfect! The train is coming by! Lets all stand near the tracks ( not too close, but close enough ). We frolicked around, posing for various pictures. These will be FRAMERS you guys! Hey look! Another train! Get me next to this one.
More G rated fun commenced as we ran down a built in ramp right off the tracks as fast as we could. We were adults. I was about to have a baby people. I needed a little fun in my life. After all we were only 20 going on 46.
This fun time lasted about 20 minutes before Mr. Security guard showed up.
I had just finished running back up the ramp when I heard his voice:
” STOP RIGHT THERE. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST. YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME.”
Honestly my first thought was this one:
He is a stupid security guard. He is 500 pounds. He is not packing. I can out run this goober in five seconds flat. But will the guys follow me? What if I am gunned down by local police? I’m carrying a kid. DANGIT.
We tried explaining to the security guard that we were only taking pictures, heck I was pregnant. I showed him my bare belly all like, please let me go home. I have to pee and I’m hungry.
Mr official made us walk downstairs to this large dungeon room while he called the Greensboro Police. This was our favorite part. All four of us were lined up and questioned. The amount of energy it took me to not laugh until I cried was immense. I mean, I have never had to practice that much self control in my whole life. Tears streaming down our faces and silent laughter pains filled our bellies. The hysterics weren’t over yet.
The security guard asked for our beloved camera. We watched as he deleted FRAME WORTHY pictures. I mean… my hair looked really good. We all looked pretty darn great, and he was erasing our memories. One by one we watched him hit delete, but not after looking at them himself.
He was totally impressed by Tommy’s skills, but I regress. He still called the police.
We were held in this weird hallway to the dungeon for about an hour. The Police had to know that we weren’t dangerous. They took their time getting there, meanwhile I was about to urinate in my pants.
” Excuse me sir. I have to use the restroom? Can I do that?”
” No. You are being held until Police arrive.”
” Cool , so that means when they get here I can pee?”
The no response sent me over the edge. He was officially NOT invited to my baby shower. I was also not naming my son after him.
The police arrived, we assured them we were in fact NOT trying to plant bombs on the railroad tracks. We were just trying to get cool pics. They laughed a bit, checked out our back ground and eventually told us this:
” What you guys were doing is a Felony! You’ll need to appear in court, or obtain a good Lawyer.
A few THOUSAND dollars and a few months later we had to have this FELONY ” expunged”
off of our records.
When trying to rent a home, buy a car, or get a job this story is my favorite one to tell people.
” Ma’am, its showing me here you went to court for a Felony? Can you explain this? You seem like such a sweet lady.”
This is not my only run in with law enforcement. I have many other stories, but I like that people like me. You will never know them. Just kidding. I’ll tell you.
The Witty Uterus 