A better restroom .

With all the controversy concerning the bathrooms, it’s got me thinking about other issues that are under the radar, if you will. 

My kids are really short people. Since they cannot go into the bathroom alone due to my fear of the measles being spread by a Cockroach infestation the place may or may not have… I have to be the one to lift them up onto the toilet. Then stand there and wait for them to shit. 

Since I am just standing there… Where is my complimentary glass of wine? Where is the magazine rack full of things I wouldnt otherwise have on hand?

After that transpires I have to lift them up again to wash their hands. What am I at a gym? If I wanted to go to the gym I would go to the one I pay every month for but never attend. Why? Oh because I lift kids.

Can we have tiny sinks for tiny people?

Let’s talk about the hand soap that’s there for us to use. It’s free and that offends me. In my home we only use 67% free range goat soap. The other percentage of goats lives off of lavendar alone , that’s where the scent comes from. I would tell you that percentage but I don’t have a calculator near me. They die soon though. 

What about me and my quirky way of life? When they only give me soft soap to use I get angry.

(Me pictures outside a restroom without flat screen TV’s. That smile is purely fake.)

You know in Some countries you have to pay to use the restroom. That’s not fair , because in America everything should be given to use free of charge. We deserve it. I mean, who wants to work for what you have? 

These new laws got me thinking about what else needs to be done with restrooms. I have a few ideas.

Why not get a pedicure while you’re waiting in line to pee? Tax filing while you wait? Complimentary eye brow waxing. All free of charge , of course. 

With this weeks incident involving a gorilla, it seems they should have equal rights to our bathrooms as well. This would take some time and money, but not yours, so let’s go for it. 

Bigger stalls for everyone! 

Flat screen TV’s while you irunate! Because getting in and out of a bathroom is so stressful, time consuming and over all just hard. 

While I’m at it, can we get a petition going around that moves a huge motion to get the tampon trash can moved up out of my toddlers reach?

They gravitate to that thing like a shark smelling menstration. I can’t with it. I have to bathe them in rubbing alcohol , then take a swig.

Perhaps we could  each have our own radio in the stalls so our choice of music would help us do our business in a more peaceful way. 

If you elect me as your new President , I can promise you all a better restroom experience. 

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