Raising four young children in a large farmhouse has it’s benefits and some downfalls. My downfall is that there are so many closets. To some that may be a huge win, but for me that means that behind closed doors, I am not that organized.
It’s easy for me, with a baby on my hip to quickly throw dirty clothes into the bathroom closet, and welcome in a house guest for a play date. For all that they know I am tidy, especially in the places out of sight.
Photo by Chassity Chen Photography
In this current season of motherhood, I also took on hosting events, weddings and photography sessions in the same house I mom in.
It’s been a challenge for me to balance keeping the house tidy, yet remembering that four tiny people live here and need to feel like they can make a mess in their rooms. I never want them to feel unwelcome in their own home, or feel like it’s simply a museum, ready for people to come view. I want them to have fond memories of meeting new people and making new friendships.
Along with this physical season, the Lord has been teaching me about authenticity.
Spiritually, and in my everyday life.
A few weeks ago I found myself one by one cleaning out each closet for fear that a guest would open one of them and discover that I threw things in there without a thought to where they should go. It wasn’t a fearful decision, it wasn’t because I thought they would think badly of me. It was because I wanted even the little areas of my life to be cleaner.
I wanted to be more intentional with the space I am given.
As I was cleaning the first one out, the Lord said:
” Just as you are making these closets fresh and new, I want you to open up each part of your life to me. Give it to me. Open all your closets with all your crap for me to see. Let’s clean it out. “
So we did. With each closet he taught me about being real and being vulnerable to his voice, and at the same time being an authentic woman of God that people can trust.
From Brides coming to view my venue, to friends and family in my home.
I felt it was important to ” have nothing to hide ” , whether it be my bathroom closet where all my girls hair bows are, or my heart.
You see everything has a spiritual connection when we are walking with him. Everything that we choose to do in the physical, screams to the heavens.
The trash bags piled up as the weeks went on. I am still working on the chaos being organized, and I’m learning that I really do enjoy my life more when things have their own place.
In saying that, I am learning what to share, and what to keep between me and Jesus.
What to give my energy to.
Being organized has helped me to feel less anxious when I do schedule a viewing. This also echos in my walk with him, being honest with him , and letting him look in my closets. You see, he already KNOWS my flaws, but it’s a relationship. Just as I share things with my husband, and he helps me in life, so can Jesus.
But he doesn’t FORCE his love or affection on us, because he respects us. He wants us to ask him.
He’s working on areas of my life where I once felt shameful.
I was ashamed of being unorganized, but it wasn’t the mess I was ashamed of. It was that I allowed it to BECOME the mess that it was.
Maybe there are areas in your life that you’ve allowed to get to the point of chaos, and now it will take you a long time to clean it out.
I’ve been there.
It’s not that Jesus cares if I’m organized or not, it’s that he wants me to feel comfortable in my own skin. If that means he can teach me to organize my closets, an area that doesn’t come naturally to me, but makes me feel better about myself, then I’m all for this journey.
He wants me to like me. Because he likes me.
Speaking of being liked, not everyone will LIKE the authentic you. This is ok. Not everyone is meant to connect. You do not have to attend each fight you are invited to. You don’t have to go to that party if it makes you feel uncomfy.
But let me tell you something. I am learning to respect myself more in this journey of being unapologetically ME. Honoring people and places that have helped me become the work in progress I am today. The speakers, the churches, the worship leaders, the friends that have taught me that I am always in His presence. I have unlimited access to his voice in my life.
In being authentic, I am also honoring the fact that they are too. They all have experiences with the Father that vary. That is what is gorgeous about being in the Kingdom of Jesus.
Learning what to clean out and what to keep can be hard. But worry about your own closet.
Understand that people’s closets will look different than yours. Because you are all on a different journey with him.
It’s so vital to not be suspicious of other people’s hidden things. It plays with our minds and allows negativity to creep into our spirits. It makes us feel gross because we aren’t meant to live that way. We aren’t meant to feel the need to prove points and be correct.
We are meant to focus on our own shit. Yep. I said shit.
Nor are we meant to cast judgement, or keep a record of wrong.
Our most important focus in our walk with Christ, is to allow Jesus to love us with an abundant love. That’s all.
You know why?
When we are righteously LOVED, everything else falls into place. Because his love is so divine that it penetrates all the junk.
Just as people are getting married on my property and celebrating life here it’s so important to me to make this place, this place that I dwell in a place that HE dwells in.
He has more room when I have provided a cleaner space for him to move.
Let’s get rid of the witch hunts for authenticity and just focus on ourselves. Look at our own crap that needs to be cleaned out. Ask him to give us HIS eyes to look into our spaces that he wants to rearrange. Rearranging can bring you so much joy in the end.
There is nothing new in the kingdom to be BOUGHT to reorganize your space.
He paid for it all.