For the first time tonight our puppy, a lab showed he was maturing in his protective ways over his family that he loves. I’ve never been much of an animal person, like ever. But when I chose bear over his siblings, I knew he was the right fit for our family.
He was on the back deck as the sun began to go down. Laying the girls down for bed I heard him bark a deeper bark than I had ever heard. He meant business, and immediately I knew something was wrong. I could sense he was defending our home and the people he loves with just that one bark. I walked outside to the back deck, the darkness clouding my vision to see what was happening to make him so afraid. Perhaps I shouldn’t have walked out there alone, but strangely I felt safe with bear. It wasn’t long before I noticed a large dog trying to come up the steps to our home. Bear being only six month old puppy scared the large dog away with just a few barks. It amazed me that even at his young age he knew this dog didn’t belong here. He was defending his territory and the family he belongs to.
This experience pushed me into writing about something I have wanted to speak about for a long time. Something regarding protection over the ones that we love. Being able to see a red flag and bark loudly, so to speak.
As our children grow older, our lives change. We are faced with many challenges that come with our children’s behavioral tenancies, and we are forced to make choices that we think are the best ones for the children we love. This year we put our oldest son in public school. There have been many bumps in the road, including Asher being bullied by a GIRL on the playground. He knows he isn’t to push or hit ladies, so he takes her blows to his back as he goes down the slide. I have addressed this with his teacher, and she is now closely watching this child that is being ugly to mine.
Clearly, at her age of six there are more issues than her bullying my son. There are surely family issues that she is dealing with, in turn taking it out on my boy. We are doing all that we can to ensure this never happens again, and at times I have been close to calling her Mother, but I have refrained…as it seems the pushing has subsided.
In saying all of this, as our children grow older, especially in schools, both private and public ( we have done both ) we have been very careful with who they are allowed to hang out with outside of school. There has been a Mother in my sons class that has contacted me about Asher coming home with them after school.
I have offered to meet her and her son at the park, in a public place where I can get to know her and her son. He is not allowed to go over to someones house that I have never met. Sadly, this happens daily with children in school. A playdate won’t hurt anything, go ahead the parents say.
Not me.
We have recently enforced a rule that our children will not like. They cannot, and will not spend the night with friends that we do not know on a personal basis. They cannot go over to play at a friends house without us present and watching. As they grow older, my girls will not be allowed to have sleepovers with children we do not know deeply.
Why?
Because they just can’t. So many things are happening these days at sleepovers that are robbing our children of their innocence. I know when I was young things weren’t as bad as they are now, but I was still introduced to impure things at sleepovers in middle school. I do not want my girls to be in that same boat, even worse this day in age.
I’ll never forget the first time , at age ten that I was introduced to pornography. I went to a sleepover , we celebrated a friends birthday , we ate cake, she opened presents. All in good fun until the parents went to sleep. It is forever ingrained in my brain those images I cannot erase. We settled down, popped popcorn and someone brought her Dads collection of pornography. Without a word, this girl popped in the porn video and we all sat and watched. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so violated and dirty in all my life. At age ten I saw things that I had never even imagined. After a few minutes I became sick to my stomach, threw up in the nearest toilet, and called my Mom and went home. I couldn’t handle those scenes. Something a child my age ( OR ANY AGE ) should be seeing.
Our children may think we are too harsh by not allowing them to have sleepovers. They will not understand that we are trying to protect them. They will protest , and I will stand firm.
Because I love them. Because I value the women and men that they are to become.
Our new rule is that if they want to have a friend spend the night, they can. We will be monitoring. Other than immediate family and friends that we trust to watch what the children are doing, our children will not go to sleepovers. Period. I know our girls will protest this rule, as is expected. But I have to ask myself… in all the sleepovers I went to as a young girl did I enjoy them? Was it fruitful in my life? Did I grow closer to Christ?
No. I ended up lying to my parents about what movies we watched, as I was the only one that couldn’t watch horror movies. I closed my eyes and took frequent bathroom breaks because I knew what they were watching and what they were doing was wrong.
Were my parents wrong for letting me go? Absolutely not. They knew the parents of these girls from school. and they trusted me.
If there is one thing I learned growing up is that your friends are different without parental guidance. When those lights go off, and they trust ten young girls to go to sleep , thats never to case. I learned about oral sex at a sleepover when I was 12 years old. Just twelve.
The fact is that when the lights go off, and the sky is dark girls talk. When you are in a room of twelve girls with bad home lives, things come up. Things you never wanted to hear, or do. Say or take in.
Would I change all those sleepovers if I could? Would I have not gone had I known what would really happen?
Probably. I feel that a lot of my innocence was taken away, and I grew up too fast because of my knowledge.
Some will say that I am being overprotective, so to speak. The great thing about parenting is that you are in charge of your own children. Another great thing is that I do not care what everyone else thinks. If I want to keep our children ( especially our girls ) from sleepovers, I can.
Their innocence is a gift, a treasure to be held onto for as long as they can. If I can keep their thoughts pure for a little longer, I will. Because I value pureness.
We are literally in a battle for our childrens PURITY. Let’s take a stand and fight for them. Fight for their future spouses and families. Lets teach them the importance of sexual pureness, and teach them that sex is worth the wait. They are worthy of waiting.
We are worthy of teaching them so.
The Witty Uterus 
I don’t comment ever on things so this is incredibly rare. Being a 21 year old Christian woman who is younger and closer to this generation and people of “this day and age”, I fear for the mistake you are making and the troubles it will bring. When I was just in kindergarden I was shown things on a public school bus that I should have never been shown. Children can be crude, but also curious. I did not hang out with the child who showed me, and I never would. As a parent(although I am not one), I believe you have to trust your children to stand up, and make a correct decision for themselves. If you shelter them all their lives, they will grow up to be the outcasts and the awkward people you are begging them to be, or worse the kids sneaking behind your back and getting in worse trouble. I have seen both. I don’t know why your sleepovers were so horrible as an adolescent, but did you maybe stop to think it was the friends you chose for yourself? Possibly the fact that you didn’t have the audacity to stand up for yourself and say what was taking place was wrong. Like I said, I was shown incredibly horrible things as a kindergartner on a school bus, but missing out on sleepovers is, in a way, detrimental for social growth but also making a true friend. Where you see the dark as a time where girls talk, you are right! But about what is up to the character of those young girls. I have grown closer to God in those talks, I have relied heavily on friends for tough situations in those talks, and I have found life long best friends during those talks. A sleepover is not what makes us lose our purity, it’s the people we chose to surround ourselves with and our character as a Christian and a human being.
I’m sorry you feel that I am making a mistake. No, not all my sleepovers as a child were horrible. A lot made me lifelong friendships , but these girls were rooted deep in their walk with Christ. These are girls that my parents knew very personally ( and knew their parents for a long time ). These are sleepovers I would allow ( in my home ). Do not claim bad things over my home and my children. I do not receive the sentence you said about them being rebellious. They will grow up to be brave, courageous Christ following adults. Next time you want to comment on my blog, perhaps you should do it in love and not judgement.
That’s completely not true. You are blind to the truth and overprotecting your children And being strict DOES cause them to rebel. Either you have a very low IQ or have a mental illness to not know that. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over. And you just said that they were Christian…OK that tells you soemthing, that forcing your idiotic beliefs on children makes them do bad things.
Lady you are psychotic. Stop being such a control freak and let your kids be kids. Theyll never learn anything if they cannot make mistakes and I cant wait until this control issue you have turns around to bite you in the ass when they rebel harder against you. Get over yourself.
I believe what you are doing is a wonder thing! I am the same way with my 2 girls. My girls may not understand what I am doing for them at the time but when they grow older and have kids, I do believe they will thank me for all I am doing for them. If we as PARENTS don’t PROTECT our kids then who will? That’s the problem in todays world, parents let their kids “do what they want” and then wonder why bad things happen to them or why their kids know about ugly things. We are PARENTS for a reason and it isn’t to sit back and play “friends” with our kids, it is to protect, guide, and teach our kids the right way to do things and to be the person God would have them be. You are doing a wonderful job Mrs. Haggerty and God will put a star in your crown one day for being the BEST MOM you can be to your children.
God Bless your whole family!
Oh That was refreshing!!! Lol!! I’ve been dealing with ugly comments all day. Thank
You for saying all of that! God bless you xoxo
As a mother of 6, three grown and three still growing, I agree with you Rachel! I feel the same way and you are wise to put up walls of protection around your children! Keep on keeping on! Haters gonna hate! 😘❤️❤️
Thank you so much Brook!
We No longer live in a safe world. I applaud you for trying to protect your children. We only have a short time to teach them morales, respect, and how to relate to such a harsh world. God bless you!
Thank you for standing with me!
As a parent of 3 young children. I completely agree. The things I learned at friends houses and sleep overs is pretty lengthy and not very positive. We have the same rule in our house and we don’t feel remotely bad about it. Just watch the news on any given day and you will find yourself questioning the judgement of other parents. I would rather be a little over protective than wishing I had done more. Great post!
Thanks for your kind words Ryan!!! I agree!
I think you are absolutely correct in not allowing your children to attend play dates with families you don’t know. We still have this argument with my son who is age 13. He thinks we are “stalking” him. I told him that if we met the parents and were comfortable with him going that was another story but he would not be going to the home of a friend i have never met The only thing i would encourage you is to never say never or at least give yourself the opportunity to change your mind some day. I too had bad experiences with sleep overs when i was young. My daughter gas made some good christian friends and I have developed friendships with the parents. These girls take turns spending the night at each others homes. Mostly at out house though. I am aware that even at these friends houses that are christians things could happen but in those cases i trust my judgement as you will too. Six is too young to know right from wrong but as they get older and stronger i believe you will teach them whats right. You are their parent and you will always know best. No matter what we will all make mistakes. We are human. But i hope as i believe you will too the your children will grow up respecting you for the decisions we made for them
Thank you for your kind words Rebekah! You’re right, I may change my mind as they get older.
My sister brought my attention to your post. She would be so ashamed of my spelling a grammar mistakes!!!!! I should learn to proof read.
Bahahaha!! We all do it. You know, fart.
if I could add a sound bite here, I would. the same one I sent you earlier. 😂😂
Bahahaha
please put the dixie chicks on repeat and enjoy your wine.
Girl, on it
I don’t know why people are being so hateful about this post, I completely agree with your parenting choice on this matter. Here are my thoughts; #1 they don’t know you personally, so they see you as “controlling” (this is completely laughable), #2 they are unfortunately disillusioned to the idea that someone giving a child “freedom” will cause them to make good decisions. We as parents are called to be the moral compass for our children, until they are adults who are able to use sound judgment to make their own good decisions. I don’t know anyone that would leave a loaded gun sitting on their kitchen table and say “my 4 year old child will learn not to play with that loaded gun”. That is very poor parenting, to say the least. Protecting your child from harm does not mean you are controlling, it means that you care for and love your child. Of course, those people that have it in their minds that you are an over protective mother, who will raise rebellious children, will not have their mind’s changed. That’s the beauty of opinions…. everyone is entitled to have one, even if no one really wants to hear it.
By the way, just keep in mind that there are some people in the world that are so unhappy with their lives that you could say. “Sugar is sweet.” and they would try to tell you how wrong, and stupid, you are for thinking that way 😉
Thanks Tracey 😉
I’m not a parent, nor have any intentions of being one in the near future, but as a former homeschooled/”sheltered” child I am about as awkward as they come. I remember all the sleepovers I was introduced to horrific things and I too felt my innocence was taken. But the funniest of all is that no one ever knew I was homeschooled, not even those sweet innocent girls I was with. They just assumed that I was in a different class. They didn’t feel I wasn’t social enough. No one did. I also recall numerous sleepovers I begged to go to in which my father responded “I don’t have a good feeling and I would like for you to make a wise decision” (of course this was when I was older) and rest assured it didn’t ruin my life. I still hate sleepovers (unless they take place in my own apartment where I know I don’t have the opportunity to get in to trouble I don’t want to be in). I still love Jesus. And I can’t say I’ve ever had a super rebellious streak because my parents out there foot down. You’re a good good momma and a beautiful example of someone who speaks truth and hope and freedom and the enemy always wants to tear down what God is doing but he has no power over you or your family. I’m claiming His freedom over you and your family tonight and believing that your babies will trust that you know what is best for them even when you say no, just as you trust that their hearts want to do what’s right.
Oh my word! THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES!
We have the same rules at our house, we would never let our kids play at a home of someone we do not know or barely know & while they can have sleepovers at our home someday if they want to they won’t be sleeping at anyone else’s home, besides with their cousins & a few close family friends maybe…this isn’t sheltering kids it’s watching over them, which is my job as their mom isn’t it :)? Its ok to be protective & involved with who your kids spend time with, my heart tells me that’s the right way to love my kids no matter what ppl may think!
Way to go Jenny! I completely agree with you! Xoxo!
This is an extremely important topic to me! Protecting our children, even when it’s unpopular, is our calling!! The statistics about sleepovers and sexual abuse(even from close family friend) and exposure to pornography is astounding. Thank you for writing on this topic!
Ralphie with simplyonpurpose on isntagram, has a whole highlight saved about sleepover and statistics..it’s something every parent should listen to!