Christmas Day with our children was full of excitement and laughter and smiles. If we had not received one gift , just the looks on our children’s faces would have been more than enough to make it memorable.
I enjoy them at all times . I enjoy them when they are sad. . I enjoy them when they are happy. I enjoy them when they are hungry and thirsty. Crying. Laughing. Running. Mess making. Snotty nosed.
My relationship with them is unconditionally loving. Why was it so difficult for me to come to understand that my relationship with my heavenly Papa is this way too?
This year my relationship with him has been all about desperation.
Lord provide for us. Lord help me be well. Lord meet me, I’m weak. Lord carry me, I can’t go on. Lord I’m confused, help me know how to really trust you.
And in all this I was secure I was his daughter. I had to be. I had no other hope but him, and that’s how it should have been …. But now…. Now that our lives are more stable I’m learning to let him love me again… In a different dynamic .
He has given me joy and I’m accepting it with open arms because now…
I appreciate it.
I see now that he wanted all of our attention. All of our money and time and thoughts. He got it all, and now we can walk into what he has for us next. Our next assignment. But our hearts are changed. We are learning that whatever we are doing , we need to make sure it’s what our Father is doing. How do we know what he is doing?
Ask him. Learn to recognize his presence. Where he is , you should also be.
Stop in the middle of your dinner date to bless your waitress. Pay for the single mothers groceries in front of you at the grocery store. When we ASK him what he is doing and wants to do in us, we grow . We are stretched like an elastic rubber band to new limits. Once something is stretched, it forever has room .
Make room for him. Make room for him cleaning the house. Make room for him tucking your children in their beds . Make room for him in your relationships.
I feel like I’ve graduated. Like, I’m looking for my surprise party. For my gifts I’d probably receive anointing oil and a plaque that reads:
“Graduate of spiritual warfare. Now put your feet up. But keep listening.”
It’s possible you know to wear your warrior armor and still sit on his lap. We can be bold and courageous , and we can be like little children in his arms. We just need to learn when to fight and when to rest. That comes from hearing his voice.
So to be honest , it’s been difficult for me to accept his blessings because for so long I’ve loved him out of desperation. And now I love him because I love him. Not because of a need or a longing for something, other than just him.
I love him because he has shown me he can love me in all seasons. And love me well.
Doesn’t he love me when I’m happy opening my Christmas gifts ? And doesn’t he love me when I’m weeping over a deep loss? Yes, he loves us at all times. He never wavers.
He is my sweet sweet redeemer.
The Witty Uterus 