Teaching my son to be a Gentleman.

I knew it would happen someday, the day I would have to explain to my son that not all men act like Daddy. Not all men respect women like his grandfathers, uncles and cousins. Not all men love Jesus, and act like civilized humans. 

My men.
My men.

There are men in this world that enjoy shouting at women from across the parking lot of a local grocery store, WHILE she has three. Count them THREE children under the age of six in her shopping cart.

Wedding rings mean nothing to these men, and I am confident they love what they cannot have.

As we cross the parking lot I see them, mouths open wide , soon to whistle my way as my heals clicked the pavement. I made no eye contact, as I walked faster to the car. The whistling began, as did the profanity. Right in front of my children who have never heard the phrases coming off of their lips. 

If I was alone in this situation , things would have gone down differently. I would have kindly reminded them that I like men with all of their teeth, and that they could in fact be my great grandfathers. I didn’t have father issues, so I was in no need of a sugar daddy. I could make money on my own teaching knitting classes if I wanted.

The two rings on my finger meant nothing to them, as if I had these children on my own. No Father to speak of. I realized in that moment they were not only disrespecting ME , a woman of character. But they were disrespecting my husband who spent his whole life waiting for only me. They were disrespecting my children who were made out of love, not that they would understand what that even consists of. They were disrespecting themselves, and looking foolish to everyone around them hearing their shouting.

At that moment I wondered what their Mother would have thought about them shouting at a lady like she was apart of a cattle being herded into the barn for the night.

All my children looked at me puzzled and confused as to why I was pushing the cart like I was running a marathon. For one, they know their mother does not run. And two. I was pushing it so fast so I didn’t go to jail for smacking them in the face. Or other places I will not speak of, because I am a lady.

We reached the van, as I piled them in and buckled them.Men still yelling about my backside, as I was confused because i have no meat back there. It’s all been shriveled away by what is called children. Offspring. Birth. Breastfeeding. Uterus. Placenta. Lactation. Burp cloths. No sleep. Wine.

I didn’t speak a word as I buckled the girls in their seats, but Asher had questions. As I was sure he would. A lump in my throat told me I would have to explain to him something I never wanted to. I wanted to keep his view of the world so innocent and pure. But he had heard too much. Seen my face grow solemn, and my ears turn red with anger. He knew his Momma was upset, and he wanted to know why.

My Asher is a deep thinker. He’s a fixer , just like his momma. He deserved peace of mind.

” Momma, why were they yelling at you? Because they thought you were pretty? But you’re married to Daddy. Don’t they know that?”

I immediately felt the sting of his innocence becoming less and less a 6 year old, thanks to these men that had no respect for his mother. My teeth clenched together, I asked Jesus what to say. How could I explain their horrid behavior in a way that Asher could understand?

” Oh sweetie. Sometimes boys are mean to girls. Sometimes they don’t act like they are supposed to. They yell and make me feel sad. But your Daddy doesn’t act like that, and I know you won’t either. You’re a good boy.”

” But I don’t understand. Why did they yell at you? “

” Because they don’t know Jesus buddy. They don’t love him like we do. ” 

” Why didn’t you yell at them too , then?”

” It’s time to get home, I need to cook dinner. When we get home do you want to help me put away the groceries?”

” Yep! I’ll help you.”

I realized that all of my ” training ” to make my son a gentleman may not be enough. Teaching him to open doors, and let ladies go first. Let his sisters have the first pick of cookies from the cooling rack, this wasn’t enough. He needed to know how to really respect women. Not only how to respect women, but men around him as he grows older.

Respect knows no color, no gender or race. Respect is a vast, wide spanning love for people that grows from the heart.

When we teach our sons to love and respect all humans beings, they will in turn respect women, because that’s all they know. Teaching abstinence before marriage isn’t all they need to learn. They must learn to love people. When we love people, respect follows.

Respect is birthed out of love. All types of love. When we love our children in effective ways, they will know nothing else but to love others. Respect will be birthed as they grow older and wiser.

It’s vital to teach our sons to treat women with respect. It goes further than being a gentleman. It’s in the core of who they are. How they view women. Do they view them as a sex symbol, or a woman they want to marry and create a life with?

I have two sons. One here on earth that I get to mentor, and help shape into the man God created him to be. The other in heaven, I believe interceding for his brother here on earth.

Raising sons is a very vital job, one that takes courage and strength beyond what we as women can comprehend. It’s a good thing Jesus grew up as a man. He can give us wisdom along the way. We have to be open to advice, we must be open to what our minds don’t understand yet.

Raising sons is one of the greatest rewards we get to achieve. Sons shape the next generation, and directly affect our daughters we are raising to be respectable women in the face of men that have no respect for what is inside their hearts.

I want to raise up a son that see’s what is inside a woman. Her passions and dreams. Not just what is on the inside of her dress size.

When we teach our sons that WE as Mothers are valued, they will in turn value potential mothers. Because they respect, and value us.

3 thoughts on “Teaching my son to be a Gentleman.

  1. Very interesting story! Geesh. Asher sounds precious.

  2. athoughtinmyheart December 19, 2014 — 5:36 pm

    Loved reading this! With having a son(s) I used to mourn the fact I would never get to teach a daughter about her self worth or how she is to be treated, or the Fathers love for her, all the things I wish I would have listened to more growing up… But The Lord has been speaking to my heart so strongly lately that teaching my sons those things is just as important and teaching them how to treat women in a Godly way is just as needed. Boys shown and taught those things grow to be Godly men who can fiercly and appropriately love women and can show them the love The Lord has for them and I’m so grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to help with that!!

    1. Amen! Raising boys is so
      Vital to this next generation. We are blessed to have this job!

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