You live in the Country when…

Moving at least thirty minutes away from ” town ” has been well worth it in many areas. When you want something specific that isn’t offered in the city, you are forced to make sacrifices to achieve your goal. 

It’s cool with us, and always has been. But for someone that isn’t prepared, here is a list of things you may need to consider before moving outside of City Limits, and thirty MILES from the nearest Church. I mean Target.

•  When planning to go into ” town ” I allow thirty minutes. A cushion of ten extra minutes because I will end up behind a Tractor. Then I am still late because, TWO Tractors. And my husband is one of them.
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• Preparing dinner was easier in the city. If you forgot the butter, you jump in your car and go get it at the nearest store. In the Country you consider the length of time it would take to churn butter VS traveling to go get a stick or two.

• Running out of coffee can be horrifying. There is no Starbucks to drive through to get a quick fix. You resort to the stale Decaf coffee you have in the back of your pantry and sob.

• You quickly learn to kill wildlife if need be. Often that wildlife becomes supper for the next meal. You convince your children it’s chicken.

• Actually taking a trip to town cannot just consist of ONE errand. You must mail ALL the mail, get ALL the groceries, and buy ALL the things you need for the next couple of days.

• Running out of wine can be devastating. I heard from a friend once that she left out the kids apple juice for a couple of hours just to get a buzz. ( No nearest grocery stores ) . I am taking up donations for her wine cellar. 

• You can sleep with the windows open when it’s cool outside, but be careful not to leave the kids windows open or you may find them eating graham crackers on the roof the next morning. 

• There is not much need for clothing in the Country. You can walk around nude as much as you want until there is a piece of mail that you have to sign for. Or your neighbor stops by to give you some fresh eggs, in which case they will understand your current situation.

• Speaking of nude, it’s not that hard to sunbathe nude if you have some land ya’ll. Just remember: sunscreen

• Lightening bugs really help at night to save some money on your power bill. That and the moon that you can see clearly from every angle of your home. That and you just don’t need lights because there isn’t much around you to see. Big foot goes to bed early.

• Well water makes your life a lot easier. The kids need a third bath for the day because they stepped in chicken poop? COOL! It’s free, wash up you gross humans.

• I send my kids out to play on the property in the Summer , and I don’t see them for hours. I think they are clothed, but there is no guarantee.

• For the first few months you will gain weight, that is until you learn to not drink beer because you are bored. It’s then you develop a hobby. Like making babies or knitting.

• You contemplate the concept that you are not really a country girl until you have overalls. You look online, because there isn’t anything nearby. You get distracted by the sale going on at American Eagle and you tell yourself you will try again tomorrow to not be a hypocrite. 

• You’ll learn quickly that dumb people like to drop off dogs and unwanted kittens onto your property because they think Farm screams WE WANT ALL THE ANIMALS. We love animals! We love to eat them! So don’t drop off ones we cannot eat.